Edward T.
Yelp
I've always had a soft spot for amusement parks, although I'm far from being a connoisseur. I have fragmentary (but treasured) memories of Palisades Park, which my father took me to a few times when I was a kid. I went to Bertram's Island once. I went to Great Adventure (hated it). I've been to Rye Playland several times (liked it), as well as Disneyland in CA and Disneyworld in Fl.
I was discussing this "soft spot" of mine with a like-minded friend/co-worker, and he mentioned Knoebels, a place I had never heard of. He grew up in the central PA area and spoke of the park in glowing terms. I was intrigued. He said, "You wanna go? I'll drive." Sure...why not?
As we drove on Rt. 78 West past Easton, and out into the green mountainous countryside beyond, he talked about the unstable woman who "married" one of the Knoebels rides (I've read De Sade and Krafft-Ebing and that's one paraphilia that's an entirely new one on me; Knoebels has since dismantled the ride and I guess she's in mourning, or...hopefully...getting psychiatric treatment). He also said, "Out here is Trump country. You might want to buy a Maga hat before we get there for protective coloration." I hoped he was joking.
The area around Elysburg is alien territory to me; quite lovely with wooded mountains rolling down to the edge of the majestically flowing Susquehanna River, but I really had no idea where we were, and civilization seemed a long way off. "By the way, where can I buy one of those Maga hats you were talking about, Mike?"
We arrived at the park before noon and parked in the gravel lot. My Yelp friend Maria D. mentions the parking as a "negative," with no markings or identifying signs to indicate where you've parked, and had I been driving, I would have agreed wholeheartedly with her. My friend, though, seemed to have no qualms about it (I guess growing up in the area helps).
The park is immense, and free to enter. We purchased an "all day" wristband, which allowed us to ride whichever rides we wanted (with a few exceptions; for those, you have to buy a ticket). I was more than a little nervous. I was never timid or squeamish about rides, but the last time I rode on one was at least 10 years ago (Rye Playland), and at that time, an old friend's then 5-year-old son was leaning against me on one of the tilting rides, and afterwards my ribs hurt for a week. Now? I'm 10 years older. My ribs will probably be ok, but will I get sick? Will my keys fall out of my pocket? Will I embarrass myself totally?
Well...I didn't get sick. Quite the contrary. I wasn't exactly transformed into a child again, but the rides were thrilling, and...ultimately...exhilarating. I was having...dare I say it?...fun. Genuine, innocent fun!
The only ride I wasn't willing to try was a newer roller coaster that travels upside down for an appreciable length of time. Thankfully, I didn't lose my cookies on any of the many rides I did go on, but I wasn't going to push my luck.
I still had a little trepidation at the make-up of at least some of the crowd. Some tattooed bald men with long beards-- were they Proud Boys or auditioning for a Sam Adams commercial? Then I realized that the majority of the people in the park were parents with kids. Some Amish families even (I didn't realize the Amish went to amusement parks; then again, my knowledge of the Amish is based almost entirely on the movie "Witness"). A family of Orthodox Jews. I relaxed.
At one point, we saw an elderly guy with dyed raven-black hair and sunglasses, and my friend said, "Is that Jim Jones? Did he survive Jonestown, and we were all fooled, just like we were fooled into believing Trump lost the election?" "It's more likely that Elvis survived." Several times throughout the afternoon, I caught the faux Jim Jones standing around, staring off into space. I made sure he was nowhere nearby when I ordered a beverage, just in case.
There's a lot to do here. There's a swimming pool. There's a bandstand, and we heard a surprisingly good Johnny Cash-June Carter imitation band performing. There's a "kid's section." There are cabins that families can rent. There's a "Haunted House" (one of my memories from Palisades Park). There's a train ride around the park that I really enjoyed, as well as a ski lift ride that showcases the beauty of the area magnificently.
There's food. "Pickle on a Stick" didn't appeal to me, but they have pierogis (my friend ordered these), and I settled for a hot dog with cheese, an ice-cream waffle sandwich, and a funnel cake. They even had white Birch Beer! Never heard of white Birch Beer before, but it was very refreshing.
Everyone we encountered here was friendly, and helpful. Even without me wearing a Maga hat. I've never been to an amusement park like this before, but I loved it. I can't think of the last time I had fun (maybe the last time I popped a Percocet way back when), but I had...fun. A lot of it.
Knoebels? I can't wait to go back.