Fox E.
Yelp
So if you think your life is now over
And your gf won't let you disrobe her
And you ask what I think
Just come get a drink
Kung Fu's Lemon Black Tea with Boba!
Top Boba in Chinatown, some of my fave employees ever. Deserves 300 stars out of 5, not 3.
Raptime.
So it's been 10 minutes, and I'm DUE
For another Lemon Black Tea from Kung FU
So now I'm going to (try and) rap for YOU
And if it really really sucks, just howl and BOO
So if you and your bf are just about THROUGH
And you need something (someone) to DO
Let me show you exactly how my legend "GREW"
And all the urban myths about Boba Bae are TRUE
Just be glad that your sister never KNEW
What we did, or chances are, she'd want me TOO
It's time for us to do it like they Do The DEW
And I'll stick atop you like GORILLA GLUE
There will be no taming of this SHREW
And Daddy might get angry (Shakes Spear) at YOU
So come on, I'll be the driver, you the SCREW
You the river wild, me Meryl's CANOE
Me Roger Daltrey in Buddy's Song, you the WHO
You Houston Chinatown, me Ann/Tammy/LOU
I'll be the muscle dude, you be Barbie's stripper SHOE
You be Katy Asian Town, me KATHMANDU
What why?
If you're 80s radio, I'm the CUTTING CREW
If you're a vaccination, I'm the FLU (wait, what)
If you're a Synagogue then I'm a JEW
And if you're a public toilet, I'm the POO
Wait, what
OK
Anyway
Those other boys will have to join the QUEUE
And wait until after I'm done with YOU
You'll bounce up and down like a KANGAROO
Cause we're lovers, not fighters like Dave Grohl's FOO
And when we're done bouncing (in a week or TWO)
And after I've made your kitty spray and MEW
And after we're done and I've just WITHDREW
Then it's time for me to take you to KUNG FU!
WHAT
Get: Lemon Black Tea w Tapioca!
Or: I have a weird obsession with the Milk Tea w/Oreo and Boba. Winter Melon drinks are good too. Even in summer. Gasp.
Wanted to take off my pants, didn't (would've been Hung Fu Tea)
Pretended to be a Turtle instead (Kowabunga Fu Tea)
Then needed surgery (Collapsed Lung Fu Tea)
I was judging this place slightly unfairly (as do many). Reviews in an authentic Chinatown area (which this is) will be much more critical with lower ratings, than reviews in suburbs etc, which is why crap places get 5 stars and this wonderful KFT gets 3 average. Also 90% of boba shops (especially new ones) write masses of fake 5* reviews, many Yelp does not filter. This KFT does not, so their reviews are either real, or fake 1* written by rivals. Pretty ugly stuff. That just makes me love this KFT more.
One of the few KFT locations that usually makes a perfect LBT. It's a little sweeter and more consistent at their Montrose location but very good here, and I come here most nights - so I recommend it highly.
The blue hair girl is one of the friendliest employees anywhere. Knew me from the internet, treats me amazingly, and her other regulars too.
I'm good friends with the adorable twins (sooo friendly), and 3 guys here that also work at the Montrose location, all wonderful to me every time I come in. They know my order, they ring it up ahead of time.
Yes some of the signs are abrasive and aggressive, and I saw the big boss yelling at his employees once or twice which was gross, but he's hardly ever here, and his crew are some of the friendliest, loveliest and most genuine bunch of Bobapeople not just in Texas, but in the country.
One of our faves for Boba. 5*for the lovely Boba shop, 10* for the perfect lemon black tea, and 15 stars for the nicest employees around.
I made a singing vid in the bathroom (Sung Fu Tea)
But I don't get beans in my drink (Mung Fu Tea)
And I asked "what's past tense of I Bring Kung Fu Tea?", they incorrectly responded "Brung Fu Tea."
You can be my Britney cause I'll make you OOH
When I introduce you to something NEW
I'll give you my sexy Boba to CHEW
And you'll see why everyone gives me a 5-star REVIEW
I am certain that you'll share my POINT OF VIEW
If you're a dictator then this Boba is the COUP
A Lemon Black Tea's what I'll give to YOU
And like the 90's web you'll scream YAHOO
(or Altavista maybe)
Palestine will hear you louder then NETENYAHU
Who's famous on Google but not on YAHOO
Crap I just went and double-name-dropped YAHOO
But whatever, Altavista's dead, Excite TOO
It's getting harder every day to figure out what's TRUE
Trump doesn't pay taxes, but what Billionaires DO?
But you and I will be the targets of INTERNAL REVENUE
We'll be dragged away by moonlight while our kittens MEW
And if you're over on the right wing, you're acting like a FOO
You sound like Joey Tribiani, and your point is MOO
But if you're on the left wing, you're delusional TOO
So let's make peace by getting Bubble Tea from KUNG FU!
WHAT
(And LMK please when you're period's DUE)
(And if you need a morning after pill, I'll spot YOU)
(Get the cheapest one thx)
WHAT