Olivia K.
Yelp
Another restaurant that relies heavily on the illusion of photography and the visual stimulation to distract the consumer into believing that they are getting a great meal. I feel that this brunch and afternoon tea spot should convert themselves into a coffee shop, afternoon tea spot, and bar, because the quality of their food is about the same as what you can get at an IHOP or Denny's with colorful cocktails. This is a place for women who love to flock in groups, cackle like hens, and have their cameras out nonstop to capture every moment of their time here to capture the visually stimulating overload of instagram worthy decor. If you prefer quality and taste of food over taking pictures, move along, because this is not the breakfast/brunch spot for you.
My partner treated me to a brunch here on a Friday because he had the day off and I had a few shops I needed to visit while we were in the district. Unfortunately, River Oaks District used to have free self-parking in their multi-story parking garage, but they now charge for self-parking. To our surprise, as we left, the gate attendant had the gate arm up and we didn't have to pay. Weekday midday self-parking is complimentary. Valet parking and parallel parking within the district will cost you quite a bit. Street parking just outside the district is even being overtaken by forced meter parking.
Reservations are hard to get here, and there's such an eclectic selection of seating, that it's truly a roll of the dice as to what seating you will get. It is so loud in here from all of the hard surfaces and the flocks of hens that all cackle loudly to be heard over one another, that being seated in "booth" was deafening for my poor ears. All of the sound reverberated off of the enclave we were seated in and ended up making me want to just get out of here as quickly as possible. The seating was equally uncomfortable. It was a booth per se, but it was the equivalent of sitting on a narrow wooden park bench. The one positive is that because we were seated next to a window, I could sit and enjoy the window planter full of flowers and people watch those outside.
The service is just ok. These young servers are just working in an instagram version of IHOP, so their interest is more in getting orders swiftly fulfilled and clearing tables just as quickly. Our server was cordial, but not overly welcoming or friendly. She seemed more interested in getting her tasks done like a robot programmed for a mission. Again, the server was fine, and she did mostly take care of us, but she was overwhelmed with large tables and a busy dining room.
As most of my friends know, I'm not a day drinker, but when in Rome (or a fanciful brunch spot) I will partake. I ordered a glass of rosé champagne to enjoy alongside the rose petal pancakes I ordered. The champagne was good (duh), but the pancakes were not. They were soft, and mostly just camera worthy, but the taste was something between air and eating a flower. Yes, I realize the pancakes were rose petal pancakes, but I expected some sort of additional flavor within the batter to make them pop with flavor. I had to use copious amounts of maple syrup to help make up for the lackluster flavor.
The stuffed hashbrowns were just a complete disaster. With a distinctive burnt flavor, overly salted like someone in the kitchen dumped the entire salt shaker into the batch, and dried out texture, I ate one bite, spit it out into my napkin, and then flagged my server down for an additional napkin. They were nasty. They were not exactly stuffed either. They were more of a hash, but to put a word like hash on a ladies brunchin' spot would be sacrilege. The bacon was limp, and frankly rushed to just turn out food from the kitchen. The only saving grace with the food here was my partner ordered the cuban bagel, which he generously shared half of with me. The portion size was enough for two people, so we shared his dish to ensure I didn't leave hungry.
They get one star for decor, and one star for the cuban bagel because both are worthy of what they are, but the rest of the experience was a complete flop that I will never repeat again. If you absolutely must dine here, just have drinks and take all of your pictures for your instagram, then head to one of the other restaurants in the district to have your breakfast or lunch.