Wandell P.
Yelp
Who duh thunk that Wandell be a'disappearin' forever? Not Wandell! He knows where he's been this whole time, and I'm keeping that a SECRET! Hush hush a-mush!
So even though Wandell be born and raised in Gary, Indiana, Wandell knows a thing about good food. And that's a rarity in Gary, Indiana, where the best kind of foods is what you be gettin' at Mickey-D's without being shot with all our guns and violence. Maybe Gary should have a good gravy restaurant: Gary Gravy! But lord am I not openin' that kind of place where the economy be as depressing as a wilty slice of puddin' pie.
Speaking of depressing, Chapel Hill ain't be that. It's all perky and new and high end and full of youth with all those youth being around the university. Wandell be having a good ol' time down here. Tar Heels, Tar Heels, rah rah rah! Or some kind of wonderful like that.
Now where does Wandell go be eating on this dreary ol' cold day!? (When did that depressing Gary, Indiana, weather be coming down south!?). Well, little did you all know, Wandell be eating from a list across America about the best fried chicken. And how convenient that little ol' Chapel Hill be having one of them places on the list!? Mama Dips be on there! And you know Wandell need to be up all on what's hot.
But you know what ain't hot after all?? Mama Dips! Wandell be walking in all sly and nice, and there ain't no waiters taking a nice ol' Wandell to his table. Waiting waiting wait wait a mate! Oh lord! Am I even in the right place?? Is it being open? I see people waiting there, but nobody is coming with a smiling face to bring me to a booth and/or table.
Bless be the heart of the patient as someone come and get me! Phew! Close one. Now you know Wandell be needing that fried chicken. Lord all mighty! Best fried chicken in a homey style Southern joint? That's a recipe for success! I might need to ask for their recipe to make some of that at home.
40 minutes! I kid you not! After Wandell order from a real nice gentleman in CAROLINA Blue, it take 40 minutes (!!!!!!!!!) for ma mama dip chicken to come out. Oh lawd! Now I know a Wandell like me is used to them fast ol fast food restayrants from Gary, Indiana, but I don't think it's too much to have chicken come out in under 20 minutes, cooked fresh. Fried chicken take but what...11? 12? minutes to make FORM SCRATCH!??? Who knows. WHO knows. Nobody know! And Macky-mac and cheese and greens should already be done and a ready to spoon over.
Good LORD! What do we have here? Half my coating is gone. I aint asked for fried chicken meat only. Nevertheless, I take a big ol' CRUNCH!!! What the!? Salt? No salt!!!! Who don't use no salt! Just grease! Dry chicken and GREASE! You think all that grease would lubricate something and balance it all out. So strange. Oh lawd... Needless to say, I drown it in Texas Pete (made in Winston-Salem, North Carolina). That be its only redeeming quality. Mac and cheese have no cheese flavor! And greens have the consistence of frozen spinach. Good lord whats going on here...
And prices!!! I paid like $20 to waste an hour of my life on the blandest food ever. Oh lrod, this shouldn't be happenin'. This shouldn't be happening at ALL. What's goin' on Chapel Hill? Fried Chicken in Carolina is on my mind, and I'm served with ome of that stuff that even KFC would reject. Lord have mercy.
Now all you know Wandell is fair as a square. But I can't in my good conscious give this place for a 1*. How it made a list other than the the worst food in America is beyond Wandell's comprehension. That original ol' Mama must be crying in her grave now. Gary Gravy would outclass it in every way.