Mary's Club

Old town can be challenging these days, but Mary's club is not. Friendly staff, cold beer on tap and beautiful entertainment dances before you. Hard to argue with the scenery. Not for everyone, but appreciated by most. Apparently, the dancers work for tips only, so be sure to tip for the entertainment.

The absolute best of Portland! The coolest, smartest and most beautiful dancers. The friendliest staff. And THE most Portland address in the city. If you can only visit one club, go to Mary’s Club. Breathe in that Rose City mystique while gods gift to poles spoil you with perfection in movement.

This is a very nice Strip Club and I have been to A Lot of Portland Strip Clubs. These Ladies Know how To Dance. I Would highly recommend going to this Club. FOOD TIMES and Beautiful Women At MARY'S.

Never been to a strip club with more entitled dancers before. Place was pretty empty. Just a handful of patrons. Only 2 stages and a small bar.

Long time patron from Seattle. I try to go here every time I am in town. I have never seen a strip club with a better vibe and the dancers are so physically talented. DON’T GO HERE if you just want to see naked women and get yourself hard. Yes, they can make that happen but there are so many lesser clubs that will put up with basic people and basic needs. Mary’s is special, it’s a classy place with dancers and staff that are on-average much more intelligent than the patrons who come in. Come here if you want to see a goddess who knows what she is worth, plan to tip constantly, and pay for that lap dance! Thank you Mary’s Club, I love you all 💋

The jalapeño peppers were excellent, real Authentic Mexican Cuisinene. 🙏

Lovely girls but I would recommend you skip the drink. They charge full price and pour less then what a drink consists of. Bartender stated they do a three count there, which in reality a 7 ida shot. When addressed was told off. I feel I got mugged $20.00

First time visiting and it was less than expected. A couple of the girls were nice and had good customer service, as far as clubs go. Daddy is a sweetheart and is decent on the pole. However, Dahlia isn’t much fun and shows no interest. Wouldn’t go back, but if you like your girls all natural and a place not so crowded, this is the spot.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have found my five star butthole beauty again. Angela is dancing at the world famous Mary's. She delighted me by showing off her mouse ear and regaled me with stories I had no choice but believe. Food was good, drinks were cheap, will definitely go again

I never thought I'd call a strip club experience as wholesome, but that's all I can describe it as. Granted we were there at 2pm on a Saturday and it was really quiet. At times we were the only ones there. One of the dancers talked to us about parenthood and gave some restaurant suggestions. While she performed. She was so sweet. Bar food is always a bit underwhelming, and Mary's was no different. A lot of fried options. Bartender was really nice though.

My experience at Mary's for my first time going to a place to see some more adult entertainment, was actually an enjoyable one. The waitress and the dancers were all friendly and supportive, me being socially awkward it helped that they weren't ones that were pushy or over the top. If you're looking for your first strip club experience, I say try Mary's. We met with Ingrid from Montana and she was a sweetheart, most of the ladies appear older and as such, are great conversationalists. Pro tip as others have mentioned, go during the day or a little before the dinner rush (say between 2-4 pm). It's less rowdy and rambunctious

Nice place to relax and have a drink. Ladies are nice and friendly, also good looking. Private dance was a bit pricey, but it is what it is.

*Most* of the girls are really nice, the staff is super cool, but every time I've been here the women patrons who go to this place are obnoxious. I guess if you're got a cuck fetish this place is pretty cool, it's a shame too because the girls here are great and actually know how to dance, just be warned you're gonna deal with some "empowered" women. Also bonus points for the music.

The wife and I had a great time at Mary's. The drinks are ok, the food, about what you would expect but the ladies were great. I describe them as older, wiser and willing to show you every bit of themselves. Missed Viva but will be back to catch her act. We went during the day, so it wasn't a rough crowd and to avoid the sketchy neighborhood.

I have been a very loyal customer and friend of Mary's Club for over a decade. The combination of friendly and caring staff, edgy music, nostalgic location and some of the most beautiful and dedicated erotic and sensual artists in the Portland, Oregon metro area! The management and ownership of this club are multi generation and extremely friendly and dedicated to maintaining and growing their business and providing their customers with their unique and historic experience and expertise.

Went to celebrate my 21st. Unlike other clubs in the area; this one is very small, like the bar is right next to the stage. If you're expecting a Mötley Crüe music video, this isn't for you, but for someone really just putting their toe in the water, it's a great place. The food was decent, but I do wish they had a bit more (granted; we went on Sunday, and apparently the menu is condensed on Sunday). The bartender served a little light (again, great for dipping your toe). The girls are basic in their structure, but what they lack in style, they make up for in athletic talent. The murals are awesome too. Overall; I would definitely go again.

It was my first time coming to a gentleman's club. The drinks were good and the dancers were very into their craft. Had a solo dance with one of the dancers and had so much fun

Happened to stumble in here on my birthday trip to the city and WOW! What a time! The staff and dancers were amazing. The surrounding area isn't the best but once inside, it's an unforgettable time.

Dancers are low energy and spend more time chatting with the patrons than actually dancing. Not much in the way of skills. The glowing sign and being the oldest club is all it seems to have going for it. I was in there for all of 5 minutes but the vibe was terrible. It's like the sweatpants of strip clubs.

The bartenders and performers are very above board and very kind. The food is very well prepared and good. I highly recommend if visiting Portland. The staff and performers are extremely well versed in all things Portland!

Mary's is a legend. I first went to this club about 26 years ago. Fun dive bar with great pours on drinks and beautiful dancers.

Although not in their original location, a must-visit if interested in Portland's history, origins and grittier side. Welcoming and accepting to all. No joke, some of the best, traditional street tacos in the city. Excellent bar service. Talented entertainment. One has to respect any person who has the body strength to work a pole. Parking can be a little challenging and situational awareness is always a good idea, but we never hesitate to visit Mary's. We hope they remain a part of Portland "weird" for decades to come.

What a somber affair. Glum doesn't necessarily do it justice. The music makes me want to kill myself.

Worth checking out, this club has a lot of history and is a staple piece to Portland. Clean area outside seems to be on a street with no one lingering around.

We read the recent Willamette Week article reporting Mary's Club, a Portland staple, would soon be relocating from its longtime home and decided we had to check it out. We paid the $3 cover and agreed to their 1-drink minimum. Inside, the venue is small and dark but has tons of character along with attentive servers. Note that seating is limited due to the size of the venue. The drinks are good, cheap and strong but don't expect the best-tasting craft cocktails. The dancers were professional and rotated every three songs, which they picked out themselves. All were talented and had a variety of performance styles, keeping the energy going. They were all incredibly friendly and made the experience way more fun by engaging with patrons. Lap dances are $40 per song or $100 for three. Definitely worth a visit before they move to their new location.

This review is for the new location at NW 5th & Burnside. I liked the old place on Broadway for many years but this new spot is nice!! Super fresh & clean but still has that chill neighborhood vibe. WAY more seating than the old place including seats at a really long bar. There are two stages open on weekend nights. The main stage has a really tall pole and the dancers do fun tricks there and over the edge of the stage practically on your lap. Lots of athletic and friendly dancers. The private dance area is comfy too. Tried some food from their new menu--delicious Mac and cheese-will definitely have to try more food items!

Why you ask am I reviewing a strip club? Or a better question is why am I giving this place a 5-star review? This place is divey and family-owned business for a few generations. My husband and I learned that as we walked to one of granddaughter on our visit night visiting. We also learned that Courtney Love had stripped here back in the day. Moving on, the drinks were cheap and the strippers were not your average stripers. There was one dancer that had fun with her act. An example of this was she did the stripper robot! I loved it! What reeled me in every time were the patrons as they were the most entertaining. I saw many people just throw money on stage during a dancer's performance and walk away. It was like no one knew how to properly give a dollar(s) to a dancer. Just a note, you need to sit in the chair near the stage and have your bills out. Overall, it was a fun time every time I came here during my stay in Portland. I am going to tell all my friends about this place so they can check it out when they are visiting Portland. It was by far a hidden gem in the city.

The place was fine, definitely not the best I've been to. The dancers were very skilled and incredibly nice, however the bar tenders seemed like they didn't want to be there nor were they exactly friendly. Also no women of color, at least on the night I went.

Fantastic place, especially if you're older. The place has a very low key, non-glam interior, but the women are beautiful, they choose very chill music, and the vibe is very relaxed. The women are beautiful and classy, older than college age, and are very friendly and have good conversation. The dancers are not aggressive and the private dances are very enjoyable. I've patronized all the big clubs and I think this is my favorite. Very enjoyable dancers and atmosphere. This is a very old school Portland club.

Interesting layout, a little small and cramped in the front. No complaints about the dancers, mostly just that the vibe was a little abysmal.

The two nighttime bartender ladies here are incredibly rude. You will wait a minimum of 8 minutes to a maximum of 35 minutes to get a drink from these ladies. They are also, just really unfriendly. And why is it so hot in there in the middle of summer? Y'all not want people to come in?

Very small low-key, divey full-nude strip club. There is one small stage with a girl rotating out every couple songs. Cover fee was cheap at $3 with a mandatory drink purchase. There is limited seating as would be expected with such a small venue. Girls work for tips only so the seating at the stage, approximately 8 seats, are for tipping customers only. The music and setting is very laid back. Lap dances $40 for 1 song, $100 for 3. 2 dance price at the girl's discretion. I saw other reviews mentioning Annette and I will have to agree. Probably my favorite girl I've met at a club. Very personable and friendly, joking with customers and having a great smile the whole time. I take 1 star off for the size of the place, but overall a good experience.

Ummmm, Thisplaceisamazing. A ton of super fine ladies. Booty's errrrwhere, but there was one booty in particular that has made me leave my wife, quit my job, and move to be closer to this place. The music is tight. The lovely ladies pick it themselves. I don't think I ever wondered if I would hear Phil Collins in an establishment of this kind, but now I wonder how I've never heard it. Dranks, cheap. Sounds, bumping. Booty's, right. Last but not least, shout out to Annette. Whatever dude has you nailed down is the luckiest man on eeeerrrffff. He better be on point, because I'm waitin' in dem wangs. Annette was crazy kind, funny af and just cool. I appreciated the conversation and so happy I found my favorite club evah.

Dorothy, we aren't in Kansas anymore! Alcohol and full nude, won't find that in LA! We popped into Mary's Saturday evening. We, my boyfriend and I! Shocker I know, because good god don't even look at him a second too long or trust me, you'll see my crazy side but a club in Portland is a must right? and Mary's is the oldest one here. No they aren't serving Vegan food or Steaks (like the other two I'd considered) but I decided this would be worth a visit. You know... for the historic aspect ;) I also hadn't yet had a chance to have any local beer yet so I opted for a Hefeweizen on tap and we snagged two seats at the stage. We didn't stay long (a few dances from one and a couple from another), and were next to a large group of fairly well behaved guys from Seattle. The music was ok, selected by the dancer and controlled from the jukebox on stage. It's Portland, I was prepared to see tattoos but didn't see as many as I had expected which I appreciated because although I love tattoos I don't love women covered in them. There may have even been video poker machines, who knows I wasn't there for the casino aspect. All in all it was worth a visit, sure there may be starving children in third world countries but what's a bit of hard earned cash tossed on stage for a little T&A (and a little more)! Even learned one very seductive new move in here, that definitely impressed me.

Mary's Club is an institution in Portland, its first incarnation opening in 1945. (If those walls could talk.). But their building is getting demolished (typical of our a-historical city) and they're moving to Old Town this fall. My wife and I have been going as often as possible to soak it all in before to goes under the wrecking ball. The women there are always talented dancers with great music taste (You're more likely hear Oasis than Def Leopard) and Beth the waitress (also an institution) will make you feel at home. We had a great dancer last night named Jeanie who not only spent time chatting with our group (about music and Mary's history) but on request, played some Rolling Stones in her set. Watching this young woman dancing to "Paint it Black" was like falling through a time door, realizing that there was probably a guy like me sitting in the same seat in 1967 watching a girl like her dancing to the same song. Mary's Club is locked in amber. It is literally a Tom Waits song ("Pasties and a G-String"). Courtney Love danced there in the 80s and Christine Jorgensen danced there in the 50s. It is one of the last vestiges of Old Portland that is being erased on a daily basis. And it's not just for sailors docked for Fleet Week. Lots of couples and women enjoying the ambiance. If you love Portland, you owe it yourself to stop by Mary's before the end of September 2021. And bring a stack of dollars! On a side note, the great attached Mexican joint, Santeria, is gone but some dude has set up shop in the space, making insanely delicious tacos and guac for Mary's patrons. So you can go for the tacos and stay for the women.

My little T&A place.... For a stiff drink and stiff wee wee, head to Mary's. Total dive and I like it....Mary's is the place if your hiding out, I guarantee no one will care who you are because most likely there hiding from someone as well. Now you may catch some sort if STD off the bathroom situation so don't use them. Head over to The Benson and then back to your stool for more boobs & beer. Portland's finest may not be dancing but a few more beers and you can convince yourself she's becomes a perfect 10! Cheers

w.... The above is how I evidently finished a pocket-review of this fine establishment....So here I am to finish it up 3+ years later... I can still distinctly remember the day like it was just yesterday...There we were, in the City of Roses, for my boy's bachelor party weekend...and what a weekend it was....THANKS TO THE FINE STAFF AT MARY'S CLUB! As you may have imagined, we had a pretty wild, almost bizarre first night. Woke up feeling extremely strange, so we did like any normal group of bros would do on a bachelor trip....went into the sauna, sweat out the demons from the night before, and were ready to rock again.... Okay, so maybe we were feeling a little rough and not quite like spring chickens. But it was day 2 of the last weekend of my man's life, we had to rally...and there's no better spot to rally early on a Saturday morning than Mary's Club! As we walked into the place, it was evident that the staff had seen a sorely looking group of bros like the ones they saw when we walked in before. They were quick to stave off the shakes with some wonderfully poured breakfast cocktails while happily breaking our larger bills down to singles...singles that we eagerly spent on the main stage! Now there were only 2 girls dancing for the 2-3 hours we were there, but they sure were a hoot! These girls played the best music, threw their asses in the bachelor boy's lap like it was on fire, and were just a true delight to spend the recovery morning with. While this place and these girls got me through one of the most vicious hangovers of my life, I wouldn't let it hold you back from checking it out any time of day, any day of the week! If you don't have a great time....well then it's on you and not this business! I know I can only give a maximum of 5 stars...BUT I'D GIVE THIS ONE 69 IF I COULD!!

Best nude dance venue experience in my 58 years of life (in the Fast Lane). Small, friendly, good drinks, professional dancers, casual ... pure fun. The most innocent fun a man can have (other than sex with his significant other). God Bless You Mary's Club. Love you

During my trip, I found out one of my old friends from college now lives in Portland. (Thank you social media for making stalking so easy!) I suggested we grab drinks after his shift at the bar, but he suggested we hit up the strip clubs! I vaguely remember someone telling me Portland has the most strip clubs per capita, so I thought why not?! Plus, the roommate never really goes to strip clubs, so I figured it would be fun for him as well. We stopped by Mary's Club per my friend's suggestion on Sunday, October 9th around 11pm. This strip club is small, but you can really get up close and personal sitting at the stage. Just make sure to keep tipping with every song as I think you need to do that in order to sit there. The roommate and I ordered Oban 14s and my friend got a couple shots of Jameson with a few Bud Lights. He mentioned that drinking at strip clubs was cheaper than drinking at bars, which was a plus in coming here. I'm a girl, so I'm more concerned about the drinking. Though I can appreciate good eye candy. I am used to California strip clubs, so it was odd at first to see full on nude. I'd never been to a bottomless club before. Some girls were really flexible, some with great tattoos, etc. There was a set of twins who did a few dances together. It was fun trying to figure out which was which as they came up to you. The only odd thing I found about this club was they needed the patrons to buy songs on the jukebox in order to dance. At one point, the queue had run out of songs, so the dancers were asking for jukebox donations. I thought that kind of ruined the mood, but they quickly got a few donations and were in business once again! Fun strip club to ease into the Portland scene.

Great place - enjoy the low key vibe as birth canals are thrust willingly towards the crowd. Was nice to see that COVID sanitization measures were taken between each dance as dancers clean the pole with disinfectant between dances. Very old school Portland, an establishment of over 50 years I learned from Jeanne. Grab a souvenir jacket when you stop by. A deal at only $40! 4/5 would maybe buy another jacket here. Support small business

I did it. I can check this off my list. Those 2 stars up there are for the girls only who were very engaging as well as entertaining. Yeah, I understand that it's a strip club from last millennium but this place needs an overhaul already. The poor girls hardly have any space to dance and really work the pole. The space around the dance area is limited and I observed that most of the clientele that was not seated at the dance floor bar were not getting up to tip the dancers. Having frequented the SoCal & Vegas clubs, I just find the PNW clubs in general totally odd especially the lap dance booths. But hey, whatever. If I'm entertained the girls get my dollars.

Its a small place, but it has a lot of character. Theres usually only four girls dancing at a time but they all have so much personality! This is a Portland Landmark and women owned and just for that fact alone makes it place that is worth visiting. AND Ive seen some of the best pole dancers Ive ever seen here and that's what really makes it a gem.

Cannot say enough good things about this place. In addition to the lovely entertainment, the menu -- now that they have a proper kitchen -- is fantastic. It's become my go-to lunch spot! (I highly recommend the smothered burrito, in particular.)

I was visiting Portland from Georgia on 1 July 2022 and stopped by Mary's Club at 11:46 a.m. on my way to Montreal. I had heard about the club and liked the 60 years in business, family run, matriarchal, etc. Really wanted to see it if no more than to tic off a box. Upon entering I saw a guy playing video games at door, lone dancer on stage, and the bartender. The dancer, Fawn, was ok but seemed a little less than thrilled to be there. I get that. Dancing a noon time shift isn't a great position. Plus, the place had just opened. It was the end of her set and I tipped her $10.00. I ordered 2 beers and gave the barkeep $40.00 And told her to keep the change. I know that sounds extravagant, but I was going to be there only an hour or so before departing Oregon and wanted to tip well in a bar that's considered a Portland institution. So far, so good. Then here comes Viva, dancer number 2 and, I believe she was the only other dancer dancing. I tried to talk with her but she didn't appear interested. Another customer comes in and sits in the pervert seating while I was seated at a table. Viva shuffled around the stage for song 1. Song 2 brings out Viva's breasts and a further shuffling to music. I noticed the guy in perv row breaks out some money, which is customary in a strip club. Now, we get to song 3. Viva comes over to the end of the stage nearest me, squats down, and says, "You owe me money." Thinking she was kidding, I told her that I'd take care of her before I left. She wasn't kidding. She stated she wanted her money NOW. That's the way she does it. I admit, I was a little shocked. I handed her $2.00 and she says that not enough. Now I'm pissed. I was going to treat her well financially before I left but she decided that wasn't going to work for her. I'm a tourist, never been to this club before and now find myself involved in an argument with an aging stripper over money she thinks she's owed. It was embarrassing. I started to leave and she said, "I just hate rude people." OMG. No self awareness there. I told her to get over herself as I was leaving. Her response was to tell me to go fuck myself. Unbelievable. Mary's may be a great club, but don't go there at noon if Viva's dancing. Viva is a helluva ambassador for Portland and a great representative for Mary's brand.

I love this club!! I've had the pleasure of working there for a bunch of years and it just gets more fun. It might be strange to write a review of the club you actually dance at, but I think sometimes people need to know that the girls working at a certain place are actually loving their club and getting treated great by management and customers. I've danced for over a decade in 5 states and this is the best club I've ever worked at. Super laid back, low pressure, not-seedy atmosphere. Our boss buys us xmas presents and throws a lavish summer picnic for us each year. Highly recommend! Strong cheap drinks, friendly cute girls. Come visit!

Yes, an institution in Portland. Yes, recognizable as a landmark and a preserved mark of Portland history. Does it still suck? Hell yes it does. No appeal, and tired staff that charges $3 to get in on weekends when they know there is no seating available. I know this, because my $3 was paid with a "if there's nowhere to sit, just stand until someone leaves." Stand fucking where? Mary's is the size of a studio apartment. You'll inevitably be in the way of everyone else who paid their $3 to sit comfortably. We'll just walk down to Kit Kat, or better yet, stick to my fave strip joints on the east side.

To be fair, most of my check-ins here have been due to using the bathroom while eating at Santeria. But still legit. Anywho, the stage is tiny and the place does have a sketchy vibe to it. Not like Magic Gardens(RIP), but in that same vein (did I just use the word 'vein' in a review about a strip club?) There is one dancer who wears roller skates and has about 30 feet worth of giant stitches tattoos that seems to be working every time I have been here for a drink. The only real beef I have is that the dancers ask for donations for the jukebox. What? So that says a couple of things. One, the owners are charging the dancers for music (the jukebox is on the stage, so there is clearly only one intended customer, the dancers.) Two, the patrons probably aren't the best tippers (is tipper the correct term? Rain makers? I should really do some strip club etiquette investigation.) Either way, it just seems cheesy to me (did I just use the term 'cheesy' about the jukebox situation?) In retrospect, this is probably not one of my more well thought out reviews.

What can I say. Oldest club in Ptown. When rockstars are in town, this is where you used to find them. Love the art work on the walls. The bartenders are witty amazing women, but don't mess with em.... they WILL hurt you. Lol.

Read this! Security guard - awesome ! Annette (Dancer) awesome! Maggie (Dancer) awesome ! Drinks, good price. Must go End transmission

Maggie. Girl, damn. God. Damn. This place is magic, the women are magic, and Maggie is the best dancer *ever*. We met her the night before our wedding, and then again the night after for a lap dance, and it was all just delightful. She congratulated us Ace Ventura style; a story that will live on for years. Thank you, Maggie. We want you. We adore you. We can't wait to see you and feel you again

Suicide Girls/ Courtney Love (only hotter, more talented/ not as F'd up...) You go here & don't feel hassled to buy or by girls, they put on an amazing show, give you shit from the stage, then you feel lucky if they give you any attention after. $4.50 for a beer, and the price of admission is one drink... wish I could have taken photos, amazing acrobatics, tattoos, and natural breasts...

My friends and I just attended the club for the first time (first time in Portland), and we had an amazing experience. There were 4 girls in the line up tonight, and they put on a great show. We sat in the very front (reserved for people who are actively tipping) and the waitresses were very attentive. There are some older reviews complaining about how they were treated by 'management', but this was not our experience at all. Security at the door had a great sense of humor, and the other employee at the door was sure to clearly repeat the rules / etiquette and accept the cover charge $3 / patron. Change ($1 bills) is available from both the bartender and waitresses. *we were considering rating the club as 4 stars based on the outdated (rundown) decor / furniture , but we had such a great time, we had to go with 5 stars

I'm extremely tempted to drop Mary's Club to 2 stars solely for this fact that REALLY needs to be highligted on this page: $40 DOLLARS PER LAPDANCE IN 2017. If that's not the most sinister gentrification in Portland then I don't know what is. That is literally DOUBLE the cost per dance of the infinitely more charming Kit Kat Club not that many blocks away. Mary's is still a good dive bar (because well, you know, the strippers) with convenience and some history behind it, but who in the world would fit the demo of Mary's that can also afford to drop $40 per song?

Waiter at Santeria: Would you like to grab a beer in Mary's while you wait for your table? Me: Absolutely! I was looking for a way to steer our night into Mary's and low and behold the night did it for me! The Mexican restaurant is literally connected. We walked through the back of the restaurant into the back of the strip club. Score! I've been to my fair share of strip clubs and this one is a favorite. Why? For starters it's free. Second, the environment. It's a bar, where girls happen to get naked and dance. (Pole stills are not their forte.) They also had really cheap beers on tap. So the girl picks a song out of the jukebox and dances. Then she stands there half naked, flips through the song book and selects another song to finish her routine. There were two girls working and they took turns dancing to fantastic music selections! I hear Courtney Love danced at Mary's, but I have yet to confirm it. If so, another great reason to visit the place. Well that and the fact that it is the oldest club in town and an institution.

Mary's club is an institution... one of the original's. A place to go to reminisce about the old beloved Portland and a time when things were simple and blanketed in a cozy layer of grit. This is a place where you can see "the girl next door" get naked while an old school jukebox casually plays tunes at a lower volume than usual for a strip "club". But alas... this is not a "strip club" as much as it is a "bar with strippers." But then bam... you get ejected right back into reality, gentrification and the greed of modern day Portland when you get slapped with a $40 per song lap dance tab. My advice would be get over yourselves and be true to tradition. $40 is way too much for a one song lap dance; especially at a place that prides itself in nostalgia and simplicity.

Love this place! Great food the server is never far away so you don't even have to get up for drinks! The girls are generally older and more experienced and I like that, if I wanted them young I would go to golden dragon. This place is always a good time can't remember a bad experience!

As countless others have mentioned, Mary's is a legend and a Portland institution. It's Portland's oldest strip club, family-owned and woman-managed. It's insanely divey, dim, cramped, crowded, there are often drunken assholes in the crowd and the girls aren't your "gentleman's club" polished blondes with fake boobs. (I mean, Mary's has its fair share of both blondes and fake boobs, but the dancers tend to be on the tattooed and pierced side.) This is the only strip club I've ever been to, so I have little to compare it to, but I've always had a good time. There's a $2 cover on the weekends (even if you sneak through Santeria, they will catch you) and a one-drink minimum, and the drinks are basically mixer with a splash of liquor, so not worth it. What's worth it is the awesome Mexican food from Santeria next door, which they'll deliver to your table at Mary's. Also worth it are the dancers, especially Blazer, a gamine who can do insane things like put her legs over her shoulders and do push-ups. There's little ass-jiggling and boob-licking going on there, but she's incredible. A proud Friday night tradition.