Kays I.
Google
Nakka, São Paulo: The Michelin Star That Turned Into a 100m Sprint
Status: How the mighty have fallen. Actually, they didn't just fall; they took a terminal skydive without a parachute.
I arrived with two friends at Nakka, a place that carries the ghost of a Michelin star. You expect a certain... je ne sais quoi. A moment to breathe. A culinary journey.
Wait, wait... hold on.
I just finished the meal and I think I have whiplash. This wasn't a dinner; it was a high-speed chase. If you think conveyor belt sushi is fast, Nakka is currently breaking the sound barrier.
The food arrived at such a rapid, aggressive pace it was actually impressive in a terrifying way. I’ve seen pit stops in Formula 1 that took longer than our course transitions.
I looked around. I saw people being served sake in wine glasses. No, we didn't order any. I would never be that disrespectful to the tradition, but seeing it was enough to give me a secondary headache.
The Experience: "The Stressful Uncle"
Honestly, it’s not even worth a detailed breakdown of the fish. Why? Because I didn’t get to meet the food. It was placed down and whisked away before we could even establish eye contact. The whole vibe was exactly like being at a wedding with that one stressful uncle who hates the bride’s family and just wants to leave before the cake is cut.
"Eat! Move! Go! Pay!"
The Verdict:
• Pacing: 0/5 (Unless you are literally running to catch a flight)
• Atmosphere: 1/5 (A factory floor has more Zen)
• Price: 5/5 (If 5 means "Are you actually joking?")
• Overall: 1/5
It’s overpriced, overhyped, and frankly, I’ve had more relaxing experiences at a busy subway station during rush hour. You don’t get to enjoy the food at its fullest when the waiters are treating your table like a game of Tetris they are losing.
For the price they charge in Itaim Bibi, I expected a masterpiece. Instead, I got a fast-forwarded version of a meal.
Recommendation: Save your money. Go to a literal conveyor belt sushi place—at least there, you control the speed of the belt.
P.S. I’m still hungry because my brain hasn't registered that I actually ate. Might go find a coxinha on the street corner just to feel something.