Anthony V.
Yelp
Inman Square. Sunday morning. I got a real bad rumbly in my tumbly. Too bad the ONLY thing to eat in Inman square for breakfast on a Sunday morning is a $10+ brunch. While a sun-dried tomato with organic olives and chevre frittata sounds great, I don't have the scratch to drop on that type of plate. If you don't want an epicurean brunch, your choices are limited. Either you wait 45 minutes in line at S&S while Nana and Papa count their pennies, or you try and cobble together some weird type of meal out of expired Puptarts and Goya Mango Papaya juice from a shady (as in, poorly lit) convenience store.
Yes, you could always go to 1369, but their muffins are smaller than a baby penguin. Good to cuddle, bad to eat.
I was hungover, I needed something hearty and cheap and within a minutes walk. I know Anna's has breakfast burritos, so I thought I'd take a chance at Olecito.
"Good morning! Do you happen to have breakfast burritos perchance?"
"No, sorry."
*At this point I pause and think to myself, "You know... eating a normal burrito for breakfast wouldn't be so bad."
"Okay. I'll take a normal burrito please."
"What would you like on that?
"Just beans, rice, guacamole, and cheese."
"Meat?"
"No"
"Veggies?"
"No"
"Sour Cream?"
"No"
"Salsa?"
"No"
Are they required to ask you if you want every single item on the menu?!?
"Would you like a Torta?"
"No"
"Quesadilla?"
"No"
"Half a Torta and half a Quesedilla with 2 chips and a Taco?"
"No"
"Three chips?"
"No"
I finally succeeded in placing my order for a BURRITO WITH BEANS, CHEESE, GUACAMOLE, AND RICE and quietly and sat down to wait. Keep in mind this is at 10:45am on a Sunday so the place is completely dead. I get my food quickly enough and bring it back to a safe location to eat.
Damn these burritos are big! Yum! Wait a second... did they... did they put salsa in this instead of guacamole?
I requested no salsa because I cannot eat onions. Onions give me heart burn. Okay, so no onions. Easy enough. But not for Olecito! Even though there was not a single person inside the store ordering food besides me, they still managed to screw up my order. How hard is it? I want beans, I want rice, I want cheese, and I want guacamole. It's the green one. Not the red one, that's salsa, and I didn't ask for salsa! I could understand, maybe, if the place was bustling with customers and I had to shout "GUACAMOLE" over a din of hungry mouths, but no. It was dead quiet. I could hear the hair growing out of the mole on the face of the lady behind the counter.
Also nothing is worse than having to unwrap a steamed tortilla and remove tiny chunks of microscopic onion. It's like picking out beads at the arts and craft store except your fingers get burnt and it isn't any fun at all and you don't get a necklace out of it just a pile of shit on tin foil.
Damn you Olecito! I just wanted a simple burrito. Why can't you complete the easiest of tasks for me? What should I do next time? I love your burritos but I don't want any onions in them. How can I trust you? How can I ensure we effectively communicate? Will you let me behind the counter and spoon the ingredients myself? I certainly don't mind doing that (as long you wrap it for me, that part looks hard!) Do I need to bring a burrito ambassador with me to ensure you make my god damn 4 ingredient meal correctly?
Shame! Shame for you Olecito!
(See you soon, I love you)