Kara K.
Yelp
Ok...let's dive in. I journeyed to California to attend the Monterey Jazz Festival with my favorite cousin and her hubby. They told me they made reservations at Osteria Al Mare on a Saturday night amd a few of their friends would be joining us. Great! Of course I checked out the menu beforehand and liked what I saw. I was so excited!
Because we were staying at different hotels, they arrived before me but didn't text me to alert me of the marine life chillin' on the pavement as you walked up. I step out the Uber only to be greeted by a herd, gaggle, flock, pride, pack or whatever you call a whole bunch of sea lions. Yeah, they were just chillin and lookin at me like, "What up? You ain't never seen a colony of sea lions up close and personal?" I was like, "Naw, playboys, I ain't neva seen nothing like this in my LIFE!" They were like, "Well, welcome to Monterey, b****. Carry on." So guess what I did? Carried on.
I enter the beautiful, warmly lit space, abuzz with many groups having a great time. I quickly found mine and entered the fray. Where do I start? There were 6 of us total and as we were chatting it up, a charming, handsome young dude comes over and introduced himself as our server. He takes our drink orders and says he'll be back. Since my allergies had my throat itchy and dry, I ordered hot tea with lemon and honey, while everyone else ordered cocktails. Great start. Moments later, another, even more charming and handsome dude comes over and introduces himself as our server and wants to take our drink orders. We informed him our orders were in but we had questions about the menu. I love oysters and asked everyone else if they liked oysters. They did. Based on the description he gave us, the oysters were small to medium. Ok cool, let's do a dozen. We then proceeded to order our appetizers and entrees, as well.
Server #1 returns with the cocktails and my tea, minus the lemon and honey. He apologized and returned with lemons. Umm, where's the honey? He had to go check. No honey, but said he could do maple syrup. Yeah, ok, that's cool.
Moments later, the oysters that appeared at our table can only be described as Jurassic. These mofos looked like they were spawned 200 million years ago, cryo-preserved, thawed and then marketed and sold as small to medium. Baby, bye. If we knew they were that big we probably just would have ordered a 1/2 dozen. But I digress...they were tasty-ish, but several went uneaten.
Our arancini, pear and beet salads arrived, which were beautifully plated. Since they cleared the plates from the first round and didn't replace them, there were no salad plates. One of the guests asked for plates, but the server returned with only one plate. Ummmm... we ALL need plates. Plates were brought and the delicious arancini and salads were devoured quickly. Next, our entrees.
So, my utensils were taken and not replaced when they cleared the last round so I'm sitting there twiddling my thumbs until we were able to flag down a server and ask for silverware. After about 5 minutes and no silverware, finally my cousin's friend went to the other table and grabbed some silverware.
Even though all of this was happening, we were still having an amazing time, cracking jokes and enjoying ourselves. I had a couple of bites of my swordfish and honestly, I HATE to be that guy, but the fish, as amazing as it was, really needed salt. For shits and giggles, when the server came back, I asked if he could bring me some Maldon. The befuddled look that spread across his face as he said, "What's that", was pure gold. I giggled and asked for salt.
I know this sounds like a bad review but it's really not! Since I'm in the biz, I noticed all the servers were extremely young dudes. They're making quick cash off tourists who are just happy to be there and can rely on their handsome faces and charm to get by. I get it.
After I finished my meal, I started feeling a little warm and my throat was feeling scratchy again, so I stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. As I was standing on the deck overlooking the pod of sea lions and contemplating my very existence, the owner walked outside and we began chatting. He told me it was really late in the year for the sea lions to still be there and usually they're in Pasadena by now. Global warming or they just really like chillaxing on that particular slab of concrete? We'll never know.
As the group said our goodbyes and hopped into our respective Ubers, I couldn't help but reflect on what a wonderful night I had at Osteria Al Mare in the astoundingly beautiful Monterey.