Mark Mathew B.
Yelp
I led a deprived childhood. I was deprived of the typical American fast-food experience. I've never tasted Big Mac or Whopper burgers; nor Arby's or Roy Rogers beef; nor Baskin-Robbins or Häagen-Dazs ice cream. Even as a child, before the advent of drive-thru, I can't recall ever seeing the inside of a MacDonald's or a Burger King. As a vegan since 1970 and a vegetarian since 1966, for a wakeup break when driving long distances I do on rare occasions order a drive-thru Wendy's baked potato "with nothing on it." But I've never been inside a Wendy's.
Walking into Planet X therefore was a new experience for me. The sterile white décor abounding with plastic plants, the loud blaring music, and the hard white resin seating I suppose are intended to replicate American junk food joints, as though that were an ideal worthy of aspiration. I would be more accepting of the antiseptic ambience if the food were identical to the Providence mothership's basically whole foods cuisine. But no, food here is dumbed down. Those plastic plants provide a good metaphor for the food. Vegan food for the masses? Or fast food for the vegans?
The menu is surprisingly limited for such a large edifice. For instance, no fruit or vegetable juices. The closest thing to pure juice, a green smoothie, appears on the wall menu, but was discontinued. (It no longer is listed on the online menu.) Thank goodness for the three salads, though one of the salads features fried tofu. Yelp attests that Planet X's Health Score as provided by Hazel Analytics is 100 out of 100. Hazel is woefully in need of a lesson in nutrition. Health food and fried food are antonyms. Cooking any unsaturated oil makes it carcinogenic. Frying any food, no matter how nutritious it may have begun, renders that food nutritionally worthless. As I avoid fried foods, my choice was down to two salads or the three variations of Mac & Cheeze or the six variations of the Burger. I eat salads every day at home, so here skipped the salad.
The "bean/veg/grain patty" in the Burger is not overprocessed mock meat, but whole food. Yeah! You can both see and taste the beet and sweet potato. Thank you, Planet X, for a burger of nutritional value worthy of serving and eating! But my Guac Burger's other contents were insipid, especially the pallid white flour bun, which should have been toasted, as toasting would have given it the rigidity it lacked to hold together its inner contents. I discarded the spongelike top bun, but was compelled to consume the bottom bun as it had absorbed the thin smear of guacamole that defined mine as a Guac Burger.
My friend attested that when he twice before ordered the Guac Burger from here that the guacamole was plentiful and oozing everywhere outside the bun. In mine, however, the only indication of guacamole was a green tint to the bun. I ate my burger layer by layer, so saw the smear, otherwise I would not have known the guac was present. You add your tip to your bill while standing at the counter in front of the waitstaff before you are served, so perhaps the staff serve the guac according to the size of your tip. Of the three prefigured tips, 15, 20, and 25%, I chose the miserly 15%, so perhaps that's why my guac was doled out so meagerly. My theory, however, needs further testing.
In the Truffle Mac & Cheeze, the mushrooms were delicious and plentiful, and the topping was memorably crunchy. But the macaroni was bland white flour and mushy, and the cheeze tasteless and soupy. A few minutes in a non-microwave oven might have livened it up.
My friend ordered the Sweet Potato Fries. Before he dug in, I sampled one piece. Sweet potato was interesting and an improvement over white potato fries. But greasy galore. Served in an open container, its grease oozed everywhere, on the wrappers of our burgers and even on the larger bag in which our meals were served. We were never asked "takeout or eat-in?" so I guess everything is served as to-go even when you eat inside their austere interior.
Some folks define Planet X's fast food as comfort food. This is fast food for fast foodists who just happen to be vegans. If you count yourself among that clan, take comfort in knowing that you will find happiness here.
