Loren J.
Yelp
Hope you like listening to dubstep for five hours waiting for your meal. There I was, my brother's birthday- NO I DO NOT WANT YOUR GUEST WIFI NOT EVEN YOUR NETWORK CONNECTION CAN MAKE ME FORGIVE YOU. My apologies, dear viewers, I have been apart of a potential, yet attempted bribery. Lowering itself lower than Puttshack's standards for treating its customers, a banner notification appeared offering me the deal of a lifetime- free wifi. It'll take a little more than stealing my data to win me over, Puttshack.
While you may have a fun time "accidentally" tossing your golf club into one of the many flashy TVs, Puttshack employees find even more fun in drowning your fries in a gallon salt. And I thought the saltiest things in this place were the people here, but boy howdy was I wrong! I could have been convinced their fries were just frozen sticks of compacted salt painted a golden brown.
As I mentioned before, it was my brother's birthday. We couldn't get even a nibble of food, no more than a crumb a mouse would desire because the kitchen was closing in 20 minutes. Despite this decent amount of time, they utterly and defiantly REFUSED to cut our pizza. Bound to our only cutting instruments- a mere knife and fork- we were left with tears welling in our eyes as we sawed our tools into the margarita pizza.
Keep in mind, it was my brother's birthday. What could be more tragic than the bittersweet realization you are a year older- closer to the inevitable, bony hands of death? The fact that because their kitchen was refusing to remake our burgers after getting the order wrong for my brother and I.
Even WORSE, the burger contained a deadly toxin, unknown to the general public but was spicy enough to make my brother cry (manly) tears. He was turning 1 year old, after all. Not once was he told to have a happy birthday. Not even an UNHAPPY one, which I feel even more insulted by.
In conclusion, to quote the women's restroom, "Stop looking at my putt."