Hen Rybnyts
Google
It is simply impossible to stay in this hotel.
At first, everything seems perfectly respectable when you arrive at reception. The staff there are polite and sensible - you can tell they’ve been trained in guest greeting standards. They even give you a tour of the hotel, show you the main areas and escort you to your room.
That’s where your pleasant experience comes to an end.
If you’re unlucky, as we were, and end up in a room in the residential wing, the only tolerable place to be will be the bathroom. At least it has relatively new tiles on the floor and walls. Mind you, don’t expect any amenities befitting a supposed five-star hotel. In our bathroom there was only: hand soap, all-purpose shampoo, a disposable shower cap, a nail file. Apparently the hotel considers a basic hygiene kit (cotton buds, cotton pads, etc.) an unnecessary luxury. The toilet, when flushed, simply splashes water all over the floor - perhaps that’s their idea of hygiene.
But that’s actually the best part of the room. The worst is the bedroom itself. The carpet is filthy, covered in stains and ingrained with the stench of vomit throughout. Every piece of furniture - including a completely empty and pointless chest of drawers - is chipped and battered from decades of use. There is absolutely nothing, and I mean nothing, in the room that even remotely suggests five stars. Not even a simple shoehorn. In fact, there’s nothing at all. No iron or ironing board, no umbrella, no hairdryer. Nothing you’d expect from a five-star hotel.
Breakfast is a special kind of masochism. There’s a menu with various egg dishes, but the breakfast chef appears to have entered a kitchen for the very first time and has no concept of cooking for human beings. The vegetable omelette had no salt whatsoever. I’ll just show you a photo of the Eggs Benedict instead of trying to explain - it was literally half a bun, about 7-9 cm across, with an egg dumped on top and two halves of a slice of bacon. No sauce, no seasoning, no salt. Thankfully the natural saltiness of the bacon saved it slightly. They serve cheese sliced straight through the coloured protective rind. Avoid the coffee machine in the dining room - it dispenses brownish water with no flavour at all. If you ask for coffee in a pot, they bring you the cheapest, foulest instant coffee imaginable.
The food at the pool bar is a true culinary masterpiece - if you measure excellence by the standards of a low-grade home kitchen using the poorest ingredients. The €18 toast looks like a slice of stale supermarket bread (and I’m probably insulting supermarkets here), topped with finely chopped tasteless tomato and a sprinkle of cheese. They heat the whole thing in an oven or microwave and serve it with crisps. The crisps are the best part of the dish. The quinoa salad contained ingredients not listed on the menu (mushrooms). Unfortunately the person who ordered it is allergic to mushrooms. Apparently the hotel is unaware of legal requirements to declare ingredients/allergens.
If you fancy a cocktail masterclass, be prepared to assist the instructor with their English - you’ll have to supply the words they’re searching for to explain the process.
It seems the hotel knows very little about the hospitality and restaurant business in general. What they do know is how to bus in thousands of tourists for wine tastings. So if you’re dreaming of a peaceful holiday rather than the ambience of a coach park, look elsewhere.
All this for over €500 a night. More expensive than almost any hotel in the region - and utterly unworthy of the price.