Daniel L.
Yelp
Ranosh was another spot about town that I've heard rather mixed reviews about (like Tiny Boxwood) so it was time to come investigate for myself. I am going to play Henry Clay to reconcile Michelene's twosies with Long's five star review for this place. I think foursies is overly generous for me for a number of reasons, but since it's a place I would definitely visit again I will round them up rather than leaving them in the minor league with three stars or less.
What Ranosh is: relaxing, inviting, large outdoor patio area replete with luxuriant classy white girl touches like fountains, waterfalls, numerous napkins available on your table, and a stable table off of which to eat your food. This paragraph is why foursies, not five stars when it became time to hit enter. I would come chillax here; you should come chillax here. It is that kind of place.
What Ranosh is NOT: A+ service at your table; fancy "imma go look cute in a club and have people look at me" atmosphere; classy Brennan's style taking-care-of-you-like-you-are-the-center-of-the-universe.
Ranosh is more like Niko Niko's on Montrose than say, Cafe Luxor on Washington or even Cafe Layal Midtown when you get the right waiter (the 17 year old that is always on his game.) We never received silverware at all. I had to be the obnoxious guy and ask for water when our glasses had been empty for over ten minutes. The menu lists food prices - but it is not available online to peruse in advance, nor do the "appetizer" selections have prices on the menu unlike the plates so you need to ask in advance. This paragraph is why I initially was thinking two or three stars at best before reflecting on the patio and the serenity that comes with the rushing water of the fountains, the dense foliage blocking out the traffic on Fondren, and the sounds of the Mediterranean coming through the speakers. It is a place you need an extra push in one direction to think well of, and that extra push is going to come from the patio, not from the service.
My dining companion rolled in at 6pm and the patio was empty. I like that kind of thing, because of people. By the time we left at 8pm the patio was starting to fill up with other tables but there was still plenty of extra tables, it is a big patio. One thing I instantly disliked is that they were picking up the tables over our head and shuffling them around the patio. I really dislike that because things get dropped on me - an entire server's platter one time at a terrible casino in Atlantic City. And I was wearing a shirt that had actually been cleaned this month so I really did not want anything dropped on me, or thrown at me in the off chance they actually knew who I was. The waiter looked surprised I was inquiring about the notably absent price of the appetizers, like people just order them with reckless abandon and I am the weird one wanting to know what this meal is going to cost me in advance - as already noted, with the menu not available online, that frustrated me a little.
My dining companion and I decided to split the hummus and the falafel appetizer portions. The falafel is four large pieces, not the buy-frozen-in-bulk pathetic sized bites you can get from the supermarket. The pita for the hummus is the size of the entire large plate tortilla-style, so it's big and reminds you that Taco Cabana around the corner. The hummus is the traditional serving bowl style size. While it is not bad by any means, it is suitable for consumption and not worth writing home to granny about - so there you have the nod to Niko Niko's hummus which more or less, is identical. The falafel made daddy happy because it was big and beautiful, and deeply fried, so it made you feel good 'bout #merica. The falafel came with one small container of dipping sauce which I have no clue what ingredients they used, which is not a good sign for someone, so I avoided it. There were also two tiny pallets of the P.F. Chang style red pepper dipping sauce. Meh. The deep frying obviated the need for dipping sauce but good for them that they were there.
Attempting to leave the waiter had not been seen in a spell so we had to just stand up and go inside to try and pay. Having tracked down the waiter he sat there and stared us down as we figured out the tip, which just meh, probably should have been expected.
If you want to relax in a type B, fuck-it-bucket (it's a David Sedaris reference to a story about his brother helping helping their father weather the post-hurricane event) way then come here and chill - I am noting the lack of service and other things, but don't feel like it significantly impacted my visit. And I laughed on the way out because my Pandora definitely did some geolocation trick for the neighborhood because my Aesop Rock station turned into five straight songs of Chicano hip-hop such as Mr. Criminal's "Last of a Dying Breed." Now back to regularly scheduled Rhymesayers programming ...
