Bobby M.
Yelp
Quite the interesting experience I had here this morning. An emotional rollercoaster you might call it.
I started the experience excited that they now have soy milk. In my head, the stars had aligned just for me. This was going to be the start of what could possibly be the best day of my life. And what does that call for? A soy latte. Now I have this terrible habit of consuming iced coffee at the speed of light, so I decide to make a responsible decision for probably the first time in my life and order it hot. Or at least not specify 'iced'.
So I order my soy latte and wait. The barista calls out a soy latte and I realize it's iced. It must not be mine so I wait longer. The iced soy latte is still there... staring at me like a gen Z host at the macaroni grill. We're exchanging glances back and forth and I finally accept that she is mine. Not exactly what I ordered but worse things have happened to better people. I throw a straw in and start drinking. You'll never guess what happened next.
Barista calls out another soy latte and this time it comes with a name... my name. I'm caught in the act. Completely red handed. Like Mauri just told the entire studio audience that I in fact, am the father.
My hot soy latte is livid. I weigh my options, I could leave my friend who still hasn't gotten her seasonal latte, but then she'd have to bear the shame herself. Today is the best day of my life so I decide to be honest. Honesty is the best policy, RIGHT?
I tell them I'm so sorry and I thought maybe my latte was accidentally made iced and I was just gonna role with it. My hands are sweating, right eye twitching, I have truly never felt worse about anything in my entire life.
The way these baristas looked at me you would have thought I urinated in their mother's chicken noodle soup. There was no line out the door, barely any other drinks to make and yet they acted like I was sending them to carry madame zeroni back up the mountain.
The person whose drink I stole was lovely. He cracked a joke about not being expected to think before having our coffees in an attempt to break the tension. We both laughed uncomfortably about how much I have ruined the lives of these poor baristas by having them pull another espresso and pour it over their least favorite plant based milk.
By this point it's been way more than 5 seconds and my latte is gone. He asks if I want to take the hot one I ordered... as if! I was NOT going to try these baristas again, who knows what sort of medieval torture device they would bring down on me. The pear of anguish? Judas cradle? Not me, not today. This was supposed to be the best day of my life.
Still giving them 4 stars because I like my baristas like I like my coffee, bitter and likely to trigger my fight for flight response. Actually, I'm giving them 5 stars because quite frankly, I'm afraid of what they might do.
If you see me in there in a blonde wig and full body prosthetics, you know why. Enter at your own risk.