Jerry M.
Yelp
Hello,
First of, wow, according to my records it has 374 days since my last establishment evaluation (does that rhyme?)! Do not worry, though, Jerry's Worldwide Excursion is still in full force as recently I took on the thoroughfares of Austin (The Capital of Texas; Population 964,177 (Census, 2021)).
Anyways, I was beginning to feel peckish after a morning in the town (temperature 103 degrees Fahrenheit true, 108 degrees Fahrenheit "feels like" (p.s. how does someone determine what it feels like? Do they stand in a room heated to 108?). Stay focused, Jerry, so, I was pursuing the streets and saw a building titled "Smash". Originally, confusion was felt. What are they smashing? Soda cans? Expired apples? Ground beef? I didn't know! So, my curiosity overcame me and I went inside, hesitant. Once through the threshold I was greeted by the hostess, who said "hi there, are you eating or playing ping pong?". This question left me scatterbrained for a second before I could finally refocus my cerebral cortex to the task at hand, to which I answered "a repast, please".
Pleasantly, I was directed to a booth seating arrangement in the middle of the restaurant (great for viewing; rather poor for self defense if an attacker where to enter). Once sat, we were greeted by a lovely hostess who gave us water and took our beverage orders (just chilled non carbonated water for me; can't have devils sugar!). A short 8 minutes later after perusing the menu, I honed in on the Hot Chicken Sandwich (forgive me, I don't remember the official name the restaurant "Smash" gave it!). Wait, Jerry, you probably should say what the menu had. Upon studying it, I would classify the food as "Modern American". Burgers, salads, French fries (did you know "French" fries were actually originated in Belgium?!) and sandwiches were rampant. This selection led to an overall selection score of 8.3 of 10.
Once the order was into the cooks, the time went fast and it arrived, hot and fresh. The "hot chicken sandwich" was good, but lacked some expected spice (it appeared to be a dry rub instead of an expected sauce that made the chicken "hot". Let me clarify, though, as the term "hot" is confusing in this context. Instead of the traditionally viewed temperature, "hot" in this context was the spice of the chicken. In addition to no sauce, the bun was too buttery for my palette. However, the sandwich was still tasty and left my stomach rather pleased. Overall score (3 of 5).
Once my repast was consumed, I had an adrenaline rush and impulsively decided to rev up the ping pong / table tennis tables! Perhaps the chicken had a "go go" powder in it which caused my impulse but regardless, I purchased an hour of ping pong activity for $20 dollars American and quickly took to the tables. After a short three (3) (tree) minute workout, I took on challengers to which I went on a three (3) (tree) win streak before having a heartbreaking loss on my fourth (4th) and final match; what a sad way to end the experience.
Although I left feeling somber, the activity of ping pong was rather enjoyable and I would rank it as 5 of 5. Since I did graduate high school (algebra included), a food score of 3 of 5 plus an experience score of 5 of 5 divided by two (remember - PEMDAS!) leaves "Smash" with an overall ranking of 4 of 5 possible stars.
Concluding, the staff of "Smash" should be proud of this review, as high ranks are rare for Jerry. Upon leaving "Smash" my worldwide excursion was continued, so stay posted for the next establishment review.
Thank you, citizens.
JM, Over and Out.