Scott S.
Yelp
Dear Taco Bell,
I've loved you since the first day I wrapped my mouth around your soft hot Burrito Supreme. You may remember me. I was the size of an Ewok and had footed jammies to match. For the longest time my typical order would be two Burritos Supreme and a Mountain Dew, but then your tortilla Jedis debuted the Mexican Pizza! Genius! But this also made things difficult. Sure I could get one Burrito Supreme and one Mexican Pizza, but that's short one Burrito Supreme. You can't have just one! My flavor holes are only just hitting a plateau stage by the time I finish the first one. I need the second one to peak, damn you! So what's a Bellboy to do? There was only one solution. Go more often. Possibly this was your plan all along?
That worked until college, where you officially became my cafeteria. Oh Taco Bell. To this day I'm grateful for saving me from that hellhole of a barren wasteland called my actual cafeteria where the only saviors were breakfast (which was even more impossible to wake up for than 8 a.m. Geology) and the Cap'n (who should really be an Adm'ral by now FFS). However, eating you every frigging day eventually forced me to be more diverse in my menu selections, and being poor forced me to eat your cheaper options. (Bean Burrito and Crunchy Taco I'm looking at you.) After I left college, I had to visit you less, and focus on actual sustenance, but then you went and came up with the Crunchwrap Supreme. Come on now! That's unfair! How am I supposed to leave you in my past when you make things so hard? You just keep adding things I need to eat! You're like Walmart, except instead of falling prices, I'm enticed by new and exciting ways to fill my colon.
Anyhow, I visited you after catching Thor recently and have decided I will always try to stop by and say hello before or after all future visits to AMC Elmwood Palace 20. It was meant to be, Taco Bell. You and me.
Forever.
Love,
Scott's Gastrointestinal Tract