Ed U.
Yelp
THE 500 CLUB FOR 500 YELP REVIEWS !!
On the self-important occasion of my 500th Yelp review, where else would I go but the 500 Club? Just think...Yelp has a club exclusively for special people like me who have gone through the blood, sweat and tears of eking out the sometimes useful, sporadically funny and unintentionally cool write-ups that are the lifeblood of this site. This calls for my glitter tuxedo and my Rip Taylor bag of confetti.
Gee, imagine my surprise this evening when I was NOT greeted at the door with an a capella chorus of the Yelp anthem by their oh-so-youthful staff...
"Yelp, I need somebody,
Yelp, not just anybody,
Yelp, you know I need someone, YELP!"
I was expecting trumpets. I was expecting half-naked guards with really big fans. I was expecting to be taken to the private lounge where someone would peel me a grape while someone else played the lyre. Instead, this is a hipster bar in the guise of a moose lodge ...kinda like the place Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton used to go to with their beaver hats on "The Honeymooners". It has that back-bacon thrift store vibe with lots of souvenir paraphernalia behind the bar. Bummer.
But the drinks are pretty cheap. Beers are $3 at happy hour, and my Maker's Mark and ginger was only $5. And you can sure fill up on a tumbler of Chex Mix and pretzel sticks. This ain't the W, that's for sure. But where was Nish? Where were the paparazzi? Where were the bodyguards protecting me from the non-Elites? And what about my "fans"...all those little people whose names escape me for the moment? Why, no one asked for my autograph. No one wanted me to throw my confetti. Is this the luxuriant 500 Club I dreamed of entering since I started Yelping? ...Hmmm, did I mention the beers are only $3?
"Yelp me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Yelp me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please yelp me, yelp me, yelp me, oh..."
DRINKS - 3 stars...oh, and did I mention beers are $3?
AMBIANCE - 3 stars...where are the eunuchs?...bring me the eunuchs! ...gosh, the bar at the Wag Hotel is a lot nicer, and that's for dogs
SERVICE - 3 stars...gee, no fanfare for this 500 RBI Yelper...ok, she did bring me my drink pretty quick
TOTAL - 3 stars...solid dive bar...but this is what I get for writing 500 reviews?