Vin T.
Yelp
Y T U G R U P O T A M B I É N
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TOUR GUIDE:
"Good morning, group. Good morning, group. Group? Group!? SHUT UP!!!!! Thank you. Welcome to the Cheech Marin Center. As you know your regular Tour Guide Sister Rosetta Stone is on a small vacation. However she does send her love, and some autographed finger paintings, and soon those little Jesus statues she's making for the gift shop."
"I am your substitute tour guide, Sister Mary Elephant. You-- you with the Sugar Skull tattoo-- now give me that knife. Thank you. Now group, you all know who I am, so let's find out who you are."
RANDO FROM GROUP: Far out, man!
TOUR GUIDE:
"Thank you. Now, Sister Rosetta has informed me that you were to write a Yelp review with the theme: 'Chicanos aren't just some dudes sneaking across the border to join in on some random gang fights.' Who would like to read theirs to the group?"
"Young man in the back row with the red eyes, step forward and read your review."
"Who me?"
"Yes. Read your review, please!"
"Uh, I don't have it finished yet...."
"Well read what you have, then!"
"Uhh, Okay."
REVIEW, SO FAR:
"Your family may be stupid, but mine isn't, so we go to museums, events, and tours on both sides of the border. We used to go to Mexico more to party, but now we go there for cultural visits and to buy the medicine.
Last time in Mexico there was a huge back-log of Venezuelans and Salvadorans waiting to cross. I hope they are prohibited because they only come here to steal the already stolen cash-basis jobs from my homies.
The first thing we do on museum trips is get some food stamps from cousin Juan #3 to buy some Wonder Bread, Vienna sausages, and a piñata. Then we park at the museum to eat hispanic hot dogs and down some Budweisers. Then we blast 'The Macarena' through all 15 speakers.
The next thing we do on museum trips is wait for Tio, Abuela, Nana, Maria (the one who has mustache hair like her father), Papo, Juanita, Jose, Tony, Tito, Luisa, Chata, and 40 other cousins whose names end with a vowel to climb out of the trunk of a Chevy Low-rider to join us."
"And that's all I got... I gotta go to the can, man!"
Pro tip: Something good always happens at 4:20, and today it was a visit to the Cheech Marin Center for Chicano Art in Riverside. Each piece of artwork was brilliant, and/or comical, and/or heart-wrenching-- based on the artist's unique vision and experience.
This is the first museum that celebrates Mexican American artists and resultant biculturalism. The collection of paintings, photographs, and sculptures are from Marin's personal art collection that he's curated since the 80's. Who knew Cheech was so into the art scene, man.
Bonus tip:
Q: Why do Mexicans eat tamales on Christmas?
A: Because they're delicious, you so racist