J. B.
Yelp
The firm "no smoking anywhere on the property" rule doesn't apply to employees, apparently, who sit outside all they want and smoke it up, so you'll still walk past clouds of smoke to get to your room. Oh by the way, you have to go outside to get to your room -- it's a separate building from the fancy one they advertise. They don't communicate that. They also don't communicate check-in time, so you show up guessing, nor do they communicate restaurant or tavern time, but they post signs saying RESERVATIONS STRONGLY RECOMMENDED so when you ask how to make reservations -- because of course there's no phone number or extension or anything -- you're told to go call the front desk... and you're told this BY the front desk. Pointing that fact out results in the front desk telling you to just walk in there and make reservations, which is hard to do since no one will talk to you since you don't have reservations. You can, however, order a drink and take it out to the lobby, but you'll wait 30 minutes for the bartender to never show up. "She's working, she's busy," says the guy who really wants us to have reservations. Oh and ladies, if you're traveling with a man, they will literally try to give you ONE KEY TO THE ROOM because apparently two breathing human beings with a pulse do not count as two autonomous beings!! Better get your 1950s cloche hat back on, because you're nooooo one here. Unless MAYBE you've somehow made reservations. Good luck with that part.
The wifi is essentially nonexistent. I am posting this by using cellular data. The binder of info in the room includes room services times -- not the same thing as restaurant and tavern times, because they don't communicate that -- but thank god all the local church hours are posted!! What would we do without that information. Well, with no wifi, what else are you going to do hit go pray about it. Just take your husband with you when you step out, because YOU WON'T HAVE YOUR OWN KEY TO GET BACK!
And as if it matters: the mattresses are really lumpy and hard. This review is two stars instead of one because the bathroom was very clean. So there's that.