rachel vulk
Google
The air is humid and warm, a kind thought that knows I feel loved by its touch on my skin, where it melts into me on a day like today that feels a little less than whole. I came to sit by the water, so maybe I could be the girl who sits by the water who, if you turned a close eye to the very center of her beating heart, has quiet peace and fullness. I wanted that instead of what I find in my center today- a hole, a little less than whole. Walking down a muddy side path, the ground was crossed with a snail’s silver remembering of time. Or maybe the silver was mica. The same sheets of silver I saw in the dream of my childhood- silver sheets of rock, a field making the sound of rain and clapping beneath my feet, curving like an iris against gray clouds, between which a lone kangaroo bridged the ground and the sky as it turned to look at me. The water’s surface moves like it’s raining, though it isn’t. I think about how rain falling into a pond is just water rejoining itself. The sun kisses my right side. A turtle’s shell is peeling off. The clouds open up windows of blue above the city. I settle more into the rock. Around me, there is what is. An elderly couple watches the turtles. Families glide green canoes across green glass, and their voices skim across the water like ice skims across ice. I have come during summer, and the flowers murmur in the breeze, reminding me to be slow and listen. And a lot of people have come to sit on this silver rock and look at the water like me. The city breathes beyond the tree edges. Pictures are taken, someone stumbles and laughs. I stand to go and the rock surface has left thoughts of a burnt red ocean on the backs of my thighs. I wonder if I’ve become more like the girl that I wanted to be when I arrived, someone whose heart has peace and quiet where mine has a hole (today). Maybe I have. Do I feel a little more full, has the hole sighed in upon itself for a moment? I don’t know. But it’s nice to sit for a moment, while other people have come here too. I’m sure they are thinking about whatever it is that lives at the center of their own quietly beating hearts, too.