Fox E.
Yelp
If I was the Salt Bae, I'd open a SALT SHOP
If I was a bad Tennis player, Double FAULT SHOP
If I was making roads, I'd open an ASPHALT SHOP
But when I'm in the Mini Apples, I go to the MALT SHOP!
If I was at Disney then I'd open up a WALT SHOP
If I was at a random place, I'd open a DEFAULT SHOP
If I hit CTRL + DELETE, then I'd go to the ALT SHOP
But if you want a great dessert then get down to the MALT SHOP!
If I was at a border crossing, I'd open a HALT SHOP
If I'm a super sexy girl, I'll open up my HALTER TOP
If I was a Cheerleader then I'd do a SOMERSAULT SHOP
But if you want a yummy creamy shake go to THE MALT SHOP!
If Yelpers really love me they can open an EXALT SHOP
If Yelpers really hate me they can open an ASSAULT SHOP
If Yelpers wanna get with me, they'll feel a THUNDERBOLT SHOP
But if you wanna get some creamy goodness, try THE MALT SHOP!
What to get: Banana Malt, Chocolate Malt.
Why: Because these drinks make my heart malt.
If I tease people at the Mall, I'm a Mall Tease (and I often do). Whereas if I am from Malta (like Amber Valletta or a Falcon), then I'm Maltese. But if I'm "of the Malt Shop" because I come here every time I'm in the Tiny Apples, and I find it easy to come here, then I'm Malt-ese, and display a high level of Malt-ease.
Just don't order a soda when you come here. They're not called "The Malt Pop."
It was a long long time ago. So long ago that I can barely remember. I came to The Malt Shop one evening when it was nearly closing and had one of the best banana malts of my life. This was soon after I'd had a similarly spectacular malt at the Portland Malt Shoppe up in Duluth, and I remember I started to think that Minnesota had the best malts imaginable. Since then I have realized that Wisconsin is as good if not better, for Malts, and Chicago is great as well.
But having come back to The Malt Shop again just recently, after all this time, I'm still a huge fan.
I think I should stop talking about other cities and focus on this shop. I won't just stop, I'll "The Malt Stop."
And remember, a straw in a Malt Shop is not just a straw. It's "The Malt Prop."
The Malt Shop may now have different owners, but I've noticed that the Malts are just as delicious as they always were. These days they are larger and have a lot more seating. They put a much stronger emphasis on food, and sell lots of fast-food to the locals such as burgers. But they still make spectacular Malts and I will still keep coming back here to try the different ones that they have.
If you drop your Malt, then it's The Malt Drop.
They'll clean it up with The Malt Mop, no doubt.
If you try it and hate it, it's The Malt Flop.
In fact you can have mine instead (The Malt Swap.)
I remember in the old days they made fresh banana malts, and they haven't changed - the banana malt was really good, although I wish the bananas they used were much less ripe, as I don't like the taste of overly-browned bananas. The chocolate malt was great as well.
If you hurt your leg trying to run in here, then you'll have to do "The Malt Hop."
If you get so obese from these products that you need a gastric bypass, it's "The Malt Op."
Or if you gain just a bit of weight then instead of a muffin top it's called "The Malt Top."
If they make you run to the bathroom, I'll pretend I didn't hear "The Malt Plop."
I'm looking forward to coming back here again in the future so that I can try more of these Malts that I love so much. The owner was nice as well, and the place is adorable, and busy -just the way I hoped that it would be. And of course it has a great mural on the wall, which you can see in my pictures.
If you wanna make this malt look sexier online, use "The Malt Photoshop" and in particular "The Malt Crop" feature.
And if you're so turned on by this Malt that you need to get off, then just do "The Malt Fap."
And if you get arrested for fapping in public, it's probably by "The Malt Cop."
Anyway I've told enough fables about this place, what is this, "the Malt Aesop?"
Now a bit more of the Malty rap:
If I was in Cali, then the San Andreas FAULT SHOP
If I was in Kentucky, at Fort Knox, then the VAULT SHOP
If you were in bed with me, you'd know why I'm called the COLT SHOP
But when I'm in the Mini Soda, I go to the MALT SHOP!
(note: this review was written on my portable computer, i.e "The Malt Laptop."