Angie B.
Yelp
Where to begin.
The spookiest thing about Joliet Haunted Prison is the location itself, which left me feeling a little leery about the whole experience once I left. Actually being there is a stark reminder of how much suffering happened there, and it makes attending a haunted house set in a place where people lived and died in tiny bleak rooms feel gross, especially in retrospect. Ah well.
But on to the quality of the haunt itself, which I will frankly say is scammy at the price.
Overall, the experience feels understaffed. There were just two scare actors wandering around when we got there, and they were barely engaging with people. Inside the attractions, live actors were far and few between, and mostly just walked around looking menacing rather than actively scaring us. Roughly 70% of the 'scares' are just mannequins and animatronics with lighting effects. The scariest thing in the whole place was walking down one corridor of empty cells expecting something to jump out - which never did.
1. DO NOT PAY FOR THE SECRET BARS.
The 'Secret Bars' are, in reality, two small rooms off the main haunt areas with a few decorations where you are offered a thimble-sized shot of orange juice and vodka at one, and cranberry and vodka at the other. We were expecting somewhere we could hang out for a minute and order a drink - nope! You pay $15 for a pair of tiny shots and no experience. I felt like I might as well have lit fifteen singles with a match.
2. The first haunt area was the best executed. It's inside the cell block, and there were some genuinely good scares and scare actors, but also broad swathes of nothing. For example, the walk up to enter the cell block had 0 scares and no ambience. Compare this to Hellsgate, my previous 5/5 experience, where they had everything from scare actors to fire dancers.
3. The worst part of the experience was the 'laser tag' section. By 'laser tag,' they mean you get a laser gun with infinite ammo that you can fire at mannequins and animatronics wearing collars that light up. That is it. There were two scare actors in this entire section. I've seen this billed as 25 minutes - it took us a whole 10 minutes to walk through. Unbelievably bad.
4. The final labyrinth at least had some claustrophobia going for it and a few good scares. It also had three (count them THREE) guys with chainsaws because they had clearly run out of ideas, no real theming, and a section in the middle where they had dropped stinkbombs that smelled so vile my friend threw up.
For the money, this just isn't worth it. Almost 70 dollars for a mediocre haunt experience and two thimbles of alcohol, when Hellsgate is around the corner? Save your money and don't waste your time.