Fox E.
Yelp
My bday meal, my bday review. Let's rap!
Not so greasy so it won't give you a CORONARY
Won't get all clogged up around a vein or CAPILLARY
They put the art in artery and pull in PULMONERY
And after eating chicken here the rest is ORDINARY
The prices are as cheap as f*** but that is SECONDARY
Because the chicken is so good this is my SANCTUARY
It's worth dying or killing for, worth time in SOLITARY
It's far more tempting even than your flirty SECRETARY
They shut down dine-in for Corona, it was TEMPORARY
And now they're back, and whoever runs this is VISIONARY
And they're so cheap that you won't worry bout your MONETARY
Cause once you taste it you will see it will be LEGENDARY
Very clean and bright and obvi always SANITARY
Word on the street is eating here knocked up the VIRGIN MARY
So save the name, and write it down, right now, on STATIONERY
And FFS stop reading this extensive COMMENTARY
Yes, yes, I know my rap's the highest form of SAVAGERY
But this is food that you must try before the MORTUARY
It's so good I'd eat it even if I had DYSENTERY
I'd be a paid soldier for this chicken, a MERCENARY
I'd join the brotherhood, live in a remote MONASTERY
I'd commit crimes, then at my trial, I'd moon the JUDICIARY
I'd scream at those with bad reviews, but that's REACTIONARY
I'm not affiliated with them, no SUBSIDIARY
And all your flagging and complaining is UNNECCESSARY
Because you do not slow me down, that is IMAGINARY
Each review removed adds 10 more to my ITINERARY
And yes I admit I'm prolific and EXTRAORDINARY
But my love of this chicken is simply INVOLUNTARY
And this review names you as the BENEFICIARY
Because you'll never have a better meal than PERI PERI
WHAT
One of the absolute greatest place I've ever eaten chicken. If you want chicken in Houston, you have to Factor-y it in.
They make utterly perfect, delicious, extremely spicy rotisserie chicken, the likes of which I've never had. Same school of thought as Nando's, but I'll tell you what. Nando's has nothing on this.
BTW the direction in which you throw the sauce down your throat is the Peri Peri Trajectory.
Literally one of the best meals I've ever had. Sauces amazing, as are the fries, PP is legitimately incomparable. Service is exceptional as well. We come here weekly and pay less than we do at most places - for a lot more food. $20 here gets us both full as F.
Not to be confused with that drama school, the Peri Peri Actory.
I'm obsessed with the wonderful PPF, so is Barbi. Easily one of Houston's best 10 meals, incredible praise considering it's one of the world's best food cities.
Now for some more rap!
Long legs, high voice, MARIAH CAREY CAREY
Sexy voice, owns a castle, BRYAN FERRY FERRY
Sleeps with married women, JOHN TERRY TERRY
Best chicken in the world, Houston's PERI PERI!
Best Yelp friend I have, Virginia's TERRY TERRY
Big dude, very HAIRY, Henderson's HARRY HARRY
Something I lost too young, my CHERRY CHERRY
Best food in Houston, it's the ROTISSERIE SERIE
Where, I hear you ask? Obvi it's at PERI PERI!
WHAT!
We're honestly talking about the greatest chicken you'll ever eat. It's a miracle. Tastes like nothing we've had before. Nobody does it this well. Many are good, some not, Nandos I'm looking at you, but for moist delicious generous and truly spectacular chicken, nothing compares to this place. Not even Sinead O'Connor.
If you go to a different PP place, it's more Peri Peri Perfunctory.
Usually if you go as many times to a place as frequently as I have to Peri Peri, you end up liking it less. The magic wears off. Not this place. Every time, I love it more.
It's so good, in fact, that eating here is a Peri Peri Victory.
Consistently the most deliciously tasty chicken anywhere. I rank it up with Sardi's, the best Peruvian chicken (DC), better than any in Texas. High praise coming from me, I eat a hell of a lot of chicken on weightlifting days.
Come try, you'll see.
And finally more rap:
Before I met Barbi I was HAIRY HAIRY
And listening to Mariah CAREY CAREY
And trying hard to lose my CHERRY CHERRY
And when I did, it was kinda SCARY SCARY
But let me tell you about PERI PERI
Lots of room, bright and AIRY AIRY
Best chicken in Texas, or I'm not a FAIRY FAIRY
Is it perfect chicken? Yes, VERY VERY
Rotiss in the south makes me WARY WARY
Standards are low, though they VARY VARY
Huge ass portion, finished, BARELY BARELY
Loved it like kids love BEN & JERRY JERRY
While eating I was quieter than a LIBRARY RARY
Servers as friendly as Chesapeake's TERRY TERRY
They're winners, unlike Trump or KERRY KERRY
Who lost even before the PRIMARY MARY
Trying random chicken places is ARBITRARY
But eating/drinking here'll make you MERRY MERRY
And trying all my recs should be CUSTOMARY
Especially for all things Boba-esque or CULINARY
This is one to try before the CEMETERY
So when in Texas with a body to BURY BURY
Stop in Houston and get PERI PERI!
It's to Nando's what Chicago is to GARY GARY
WHAT!