Uncle J.
Yelp
To this hotel I would say, it hurts me as much as it hurts you to write this kind of review, but this was easily the most disappointing place we've stayed for this kind of price point ($400/night). We've stayed in plenty of resorts with similar pricing, from Puerto Rico to Miami to Key West, and if this is a "resort" your local 7-11 where you buy your scratch tickets is a Vegas casino.
The first error was on our part in booking the "Run of the House" room rate. That is a particularly hilarious name, because you do not, in fact, have the run of the house, you have the exact opposite: whatever is left at time of check-in, which at an 18-room hotel, is apparently not much. There's something on their website about, "know you may be able to be upgraded at time of check-in", but if you choose to stay for some unknown reason, I would strongly advise not to book the LIH (Last in House) room rate.
We ended up with the one room with two twins our first night, and then the young lady at the front desk was nice enough to switch us to a queen the rest of the week. Very nice gesture...until we saw the room. I don't see it pictured on their website, but it was the smallest room I've probably stayed in other than the Club Quarters in Boston, which is basically a dorm room. I'll say the bed was very comfortable, but there was almost no room to set up an iron and we were constantly knocking our shins against the corners of the bedframe trying to scoot around it. If you book a queen, make sure this is not your room (116).
On the rest, it's probably easiest just to make a list. We honestly wouldn't even make a big deal if it had just been one thing, but everything combined and for this much money per night, it was just not acceptable. Two-twin room had no iron, ask the front desk. "Oh, that room doesn't have an iron, just a steamer". Find the steamer, all kinds of fuzzy mold growth inside. Tell the front desk, we get an iron. The "double-turn down" was just making the bed, and sweeping the floor. One day our "fresh sheets" had a wine stain. The next day, they just remade the bed with the same wine stain sheets (I'd actually be okay with this for conservation of water if they had mentioned it at all). Ask about the water taxi and are given the map, we ask, "do we get picked up at Stop 6 then?" and are told yes. Any other tips or tricks, we ask? It's on the map, is the response so we walk the couple blocks to Stop 6. Imagine our surprise a few days later when the water taxi actually makes pick-ups AT the hotel, which I now see on their website. Found out on our last day about these free golf cart shuttles running all over town from some people at a bar, never any info from hotel. Not a far walk from the beach, but you won't have any chairs once there like the other resorts offer. Breakfasts were so-so, but everything was far superior at the Ritz where we ate twice (waited 45-minutes for literally just toast at the Pillars one day, but at least that day they were nice enough to comp the toast and the two mimosas). Were never told about the side gate entry for after-hours (there was a code on the check-in flyer, but we didn't know what it pertained to). Finding front desk staff was a daily adventure for something as simple as asking what time check-out was. They were nice, and I think there were just not enough of them to handle guests' various requests.