Daniel P.
Yelp
Let me start out this review with a firm disclaimer: I'm stoned.
Yes, I puffed the Devil's Lettuce.
But I was compelled to, if for the first time in my life, Yelp something. You might say I couldn't... Yelp... myself *hard snigger*
But, I digress. This place is jam packed with hotties. I was the ugliest one in there by far and I'm maybe a hard 7-8 depending on the lighting. I was definitely pushing firm 8 potential before the cut, but after, it was no question. 8.2 at the BARE minimum. That kinda jump is a big deal when you're so close to the top. I mean, I'd have to work out a ton to get to 9 territory and that just isn't gonna happen.
Ali was ready from the jump. Even when I hit her with the curveball "I'd like it clean on the sides with some texture up top" she wasn't phased. Normally people comment on my originality but not Ali, she's a pro. She was cutting before I could even start playfully flirting (you know, with that like half second longer eye-contact that if you fuck up you look like a total creeper), her hands flew all around me. I froze with fear and amazement. After a few seconds I decided to start shaking my head really fast to make it harder on her. "Faster!" I dared, and she rose to the challenge, her hands moving impossibly fast just fractions of an inch from my head. Her brow beaded up with sweat as she concentrated, the tiniest misstep could mean disaster. The end was in sight. My hair was almost perfect.
She froze. It was done. We looked at each other through the mirror for just a half second too long and it got kinda weird and we both made that half-sniff-half-laugh sound and then just nodded our heads affirmingly. Suddenly it dawned on me: our encounter was ending. She motioned to the cash register that was actually an iPad and I tried to make a joke but the sadness was too strong. Too opaque. I felt the first tear push its way out and roll my down my cheek. Possibly the most magnificent moment in my young adult life had passed, and now I had to go on with my mundane existence. So I did the only thing that I could remember to do and thanked her, gave her a big tip, and waved goodbye.
There are moments in life that we remember, and there are moments in life that define us. We'll see what this one ends up being....
dp