Dalen H.
Google
Ever since I became famous from writing google reviews, it’s been difficult to get an accurate representation of who these small businesses really are. Most of the time they put up pictures of me in their break rooms, reminding the workers to put their best foot forward if I come in. Thinking it will land them a review.
Such is life, an arms race. Well, I got a little move of my own. Something I developed working tangentially with the British government in the early 2000’s. A lock-tight disguise and alias, Sir Rodrick Pennington III. He wears a suit, scarf, walking cane, sun glasses, curled mustache and top hat. Getting the picture? Is he blind, or sophisticated? You never really know. Maybe both. That’s the point of disguises.
Today I visited a quaint little coffee parlor on the downtrodden west side village. I want to say it originated as a soup kitchen during the great depression, correct me if I am wrong. Anyways, I walk up to the counter. Thump coffee. A nice barista greets me, and asks for my order. “Well, well, what do we have here?”, I say in my disguised voice, “To whom do I owe the pleasure?”. I don’t remember what she said, because out of the corner of my eye I spot a world class beauty. She was wandering about looking for something or someone. My focus changed. I look back at the barista and order a latte. She says “can I get a name”. I say “Da… sir Pennington”. I start to walk towards the woman, but realize I’m still in my disguise. Keep in mind Roderick’s character is in his late 70’s.
I hurry into the nearest bathroom and start to take off the costume. Just then, a man walks out of the stall wearing the exact same clothes as I. We simultaneously do a double take as if we’re both looking into a mirror. Move right, then left, in synchrony. Then he walked out as if nothing happened. I hurriedly take off the mustache, and fix my hair from the top hat. But by the time I make it out to talk to the woman, I see that she’s with the guy from the bathroom. They’re holding hands. It’s not her grandpa. A real New England patriots moment.
As they walk out of the shop the barista says “oh, sir Pennington your coffee is ready”.. “I didn’t order a coffee,” he replies.
The man’s girlfriend shook her head. “Wow, must be too young to know Aerosmith.” So, Steven Tyler and his dame walked out laughing to themselves.
I was so disappointed, I walked back to the coffee counter without putting my disguise back on.
“Oh my gosh! Dalen Hargett!!!”, she said. We know your order, I’ll have it right up. At this point I didn’t even have the mental capacity for any witty banter or flirtation. I just thanked her and walked on. Gosh dang, it was some good coffee though. My day instantly turned around for the best after that first sip. Walked outside sunshine beating down on my face, squinted green eyes, a dying breed. Thump never disappoints, I’ll tell you that much. Try it today. God bless. What will this new day have in store? Only time will tell. Don’t forget to stream my newest songs on Apple Music and Spotify. Album should be dropping soon.
