Mikey C.
Yelp
I need to update this review because in the year since I wrote it I've been proven wrong about Flying Cars. I said they were a stupid idea. I thought that they'd never happen.
But within a week of writing the original review I read a report talking about a company that was bringing a flying car to market. Over the course of the last year I saw several more reports heralding the arrival of flying cars.
And in July I read this:
"Alef Aeronautics, a startup in San Mateo, California, just received the FAA's Special Airworthiness Certification for its Model A flying car. The company, which has yet to announce a delivery date, is asking for a $150 deposit on the $300,000 Model A. The vehicle features a drone-like internal propellers and a promised range of 200 miles over land and 110 in the air."
And this Model A isn't the only Flying Car out there. There are a bunch more.
Ok, so I was wrong about Flying Cars. They're coming.
But I'm not wrong about the need for the State of California to embrace my position on Escalators. We have far too many unnecessarily elevated places in this state.
Like, for example, the Ventura Botanical Gardens.
It's been a year since I offered my suggestion to install some damn escalators. I would have thought by now they would have made at least some progress implementing my plan to mitigate their egregious verticality.
But, alas, no.
My original review:
People think they are being clever when they say Hey, it's the Future, where is my Flying Car?
It is true, of course, that 80 years ago some futurists and science fiction writers suggested that someday Flying Cars would be a reality.
However, Flying Cars was always an obviously stupid idea. Most people can't drive normal cars very well operating on flat ground. People even manage to crash those cars with computerized autopilots.
Can you imagine these same fools operating Flying Cars?
Let's just forget the whole Flying Car nonsense.
What we need to start spending money on is replacing all existing sidewalks with Moving Sidewalks, like they have at Airports. And we need to install escalators to every elevated area.
We have already pretty much perfected this technology. This is something we can actually do. We just need to get busy.
Because I'm telling you, I'm sick and tired of walking. Walking is stupid. It might be just about the stupidest human activity.
Walking is so 20th Century. I mean, I feel like a damn Cave Man when I'm forced to walk somewhere. Walking is just futile. No one ever got anywhere by walking.
And like walking wasn't enough misery, sometimes you are forced to walk up hill. That's a fate almost worse than death. Nothing pisses me off more than having to walk uphill.
As soon as I detect the slightest incline I start to get mad. If it continues for more than five or ten steps I am about ready to go off.
All this frustration could be avoided if we could just install escalators everywhere.
Here at the Ventura Botanical Gardens is a good place to start. Because if you are like me and hate walking uphill, this place is a got damn nightmare. It's all uphill.
The place is built on the side of the steepest hill in Southern California. From the Visitor's Center it's up all the way. It feels like you are climbing one of those crazy hills in San Francisco. It feels like you are climbing got damn Mt Everest.
The trail up the hill is a seemingly unending series of switchbacks. Those switchbacks don't really help you with the climb much, they just make the climb twice as long.
It's a botanical garden so, naturally, there are lots of plants. Well, I can't tell you much about the plants because I was so pissed off about having to walk up this gigantic mountain of a hill.
I kinda remember seeing signs that said some of the plants were from Chile. Or that Ventura's climate was like the climate in Chile. I don't know. Something about Chile. Anyway, I was not loving Chile that day. We cool now though.
Maybe this botanical garden is all right for normal people, I wouldn't know about that. But for fat guys like me, I wouldn't recommend it.
Unless you are tired of being a fat guy, that is.
Mikey C says: if there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now...