Edward B.
Yelp
Ahoy there, matey! Gather 'round and let me share with ye a tale of woe and treachery! Ye see, I once had the misfortune of venturing into a Village Pub with me lovely wife - a place that shall not remain nameless, for I be not one to spread ill will or slander. Alas, me hopes were dashed quicker than ye can say "shiver me timbers."
Now, every sailor knows that a good meal can lift one's spirits and make the sails swell with gust, but the maroons in this joint managed to disappoint me with their food, nay, the grub they served was merely acceptable. And that was just the beginning of our troubles, ye see.
We waited there for an eternity, it seemed, a full thirty minutes without a soul acknowledging our presence. We were invisible to the staff, invisible I tell ye! It was as if they had conjured a spell to make us disappear. By the end of it, I had to turn to me wife and ask if we be but phantoms in the night, if we had passed over without even realizing it. We felt like ghost ships adrift on the water, our sails flapping in vain against the inattention of those dastardly waiters.
At last, we had had enough - we pinched each other to make sure we were still among the living, and we vowed to raise the Jolly Roger and take our business elsewhere. So take heed, my fellow pirates, and avoid that place like the Plague, unless ye want to be ignored like a poor soul adrift at sea. Arrr!