Kelly G.
Google
Remember that children’s fairytale, about the emperor’s new clothes?
The basic gist of it is, people love a sensation, and love to applaud something that’s “popular“ or en vogue…
even if it’s a complete myth.
This little café whipped up quite a bit of publicity about 14 years ago. Appealing to those who are on a vegan diet, vegetarian, or just seeking the next best health hack, I remember reading articles about the various “cheeses“ and how they were as good as the real thing. Sure, they were a bit pricey, because everything healthier is, but applauding its flavor, texture, and likeness to “the real thing“.
I happened to stop by while coming back from a work event, and found the owner holding court with some tourists who were lavishing praise upon him , throwing admiration all over the empty little shop, snatching up things to purchase. I literally walked into the store, probably minutes before it was closing, and these two tourists literally threw their phone at me and asked me to take pictures of them with the owner - as if we were at Disneyland…
They realized how rude they were being - and chose to instead take selfies- but again - it hit me almost from the moment I walked in how people love to make much more out of something than it really is, for the sake of a snapshot, a story, an anecdote - something to brag about.
Pieces of what resembled colored tempe were sitting in a small deli case, and a small refrigerator…
Nothing about them looked all that appealing, and since I’ve never had this version of vegan “cheese” before, naturally wanted to try what I knew I would be somewhat overcharged for - this being Sunset Boulevard, in Beverly Hills-adjacent Hollywood.
Interestingly enough, this came as a surprise to the owner. As if someone brand new to his product would be willing to throw down $20 for a piece of yellow tempe without having the slightest idea what it might taste like!
He finally offered me a small piece of what was supposed to be a version of goat cheese with chives. It was somewhat smooth, and practically flavorless, but I didn’t wish to be rude, and figured it was worth taking a small bit home to see how it tasted paired with cheese and fruit. Perhaps it was just the crazy “take our picture!” vibes I’d gotten from the tourists that had me skeptical.
As he was fussing over cutting the small piece of goat cheese in half to give me a piece about the size of a small plum, the owner was bragging that the cheese in the deli case was getting shipped to Iowa.
They looked like little bowls of butternut squash soup, but he said that was his spicy cheddar.
Interestingly enough, he admitted that none of the cheeses actually taste like their namesakes. Which was an odd admission.
I paid the eight dollars and change for the tiny piece of tempe, took it home, put it in the fridge to help it firm up a bit, and decided to pair it with some crackers and apples.
All I can say is:
the emperor is naked.
It has practically zero taste, the consistency is exactly like that of a raw tofu square, and if those are in fact chives in it, they lend no flavor.
Attached is a picture to show you the size and consistency.
There’s absolutely nothing special about this food, but LA is LA, and you can’t fault people from wanting to find the “next great thing” as a substitute for the “calorie” versions.
But for the record, Trader Joe’s DOES carry lactose free, fat free cheddars and mozzarella and goat cheeses that are FAR far tastier- and a heck of a lot more affordable.
Definitely do not recommend.
PLEASE NOTE: most of the “rave reviews“ if you scroll below are over four years old, and most 6 to 9 years old… Perhaps as the years have gone by the owner has skimped more and more on what created “flavor“ and maybe his “cheese” used to be more reasonably priced.
But either way - definitely not worth your money unless you are so allergic to anything remotely related to dairy that this is your absolute only option to feel like you’re eating something special.
Thank you.
