Vin T.
Yelp
IT'S ME. - HI. - I'M THE WITCH. - IT'S ME.
After the COVID era, going out in public is pretty trash now. People seem anxious and on edge. Pretty sure it's because there are a lot more witches among us (...all the quiet talk of moon circles, black flame candles, and magic crystals).
Something is definitely happening... perhaps due to the great 2020 binge-watch of Charmed, Hocus Pocus, and The Good Witch. There's now a witch in every friend group. This phenomenon trends with historical precedent... in the 1600s, your only career choices were farming OR witch.
These days it's not uncommon to meet a Glinda or a Celeste or Esmeralda... and they no longer wear pointy hats to identify themselves. They look normal, but if they whistle at different pitches and call out to things that don't have names... you're with a genuine conjurer of the dark arts.
But there is more to the practice of the ju-ju than waving a wand, boiling up some potions, and dishing out spells with a few funny words. You want to avoid being an emotionally unavailable narcissist witch with anger issues. At the risk of being turned into a root vegetable, here are my...
TOP 5 (BE-BETTER) BEST WITCH PRACTICES:
(1) Lots of cooking and chopping involved... so get one of those Instant-Pot cauldrons
(2) Take it down a notch. Put only subtle spells on people who annoy you: like ending their constipation right after their shower, multiple paper cuts in the exact same place, or ensuring their bath water is never quite hot enough
(3) Keep your broom in good repair so you don't fly off the handle
(4) Maintain a steady supply of goat blood, eyes of newt, raven's breath, and tears from virgins {_Amazon_Store_link_}
(5) Move on from past transgressions. The kids who called you a witch for having green eyes? ...well the pet store does need more hamsters
Pro tip: For the best tasting Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot and Barbera anywhere... combined with excellent service, live music, and Sleeping Tiger coffees... Witch Creek is our go-to urban winery (there's witches here but the more evolved kind).