Karen S.
Yelp
Upon entering this place, it was immediately clear to me that tonight was going to be OUTSTANDING. I promptly sat at the bar and began ordering drinks endlessly. To put it bluntly, I became so drunk I couldn't tell if my hand in front of me was actually a hand or a cows utters spewing milk from every pore. Realizing that my stay was coming to an end, I fumbled for my wallet. That is when I put two and two together and remembered I am homeless and DO NOT have said wallet. Panicking on how I was going to pay my immense tab, I swiftly started to peer around at my subordinates to attempt to locate potential victims. I the spotted a fellow in a corner downing shots at a world record pace. (The only person larger than him was myself.) That being said, I was confident in my ability to assert dominance over this man. I then proceeded to do so. Waiting for just the right moment, I lunged at his wide neck and pinned it to the floor. Both being inexplicably drunk, it took us a while to find each other's eyes. After we did, I could sense the fear radiating off of him. His face was so purple, and I could tell that little to no blood was getting to his intoxicated brain. I used this to my advantage and used one of his empty shot glasses as a projectile. Throwing the shot glass in his face, he crumbled and went limp. I could tell it hit him enough to black him out for the time being. Using my immense arms, I heaved him on his back and snatched his wallet out of his pocket. To my upmost infuriation, this act did not go unnoticed as I hoped. Many people were hurling threats at me. Knowing I had very little time, I used the rest of his numerable shot glass again as ammo. Nailing all who threaten my dominance, the bartender was shaking like a little girl. Feeling no need to pay, I took his wallet and left. Still being drunk, I passed out on the sidewalk right outside of Yard House. Waking up days later, I've had the time to reminisce on my experience and have decided that my actions were completely and more than justified. The drinks were so amazing and definitely put me into a different reality. This place serves as not only a mental pick-me-up but also a physical and spiritual one as well. For this reason alone, I hand over 5 stars.