David J.
Yelp
I'm a bull rider visiting London for a rodeo exposition. I am a big fan of Applebees in my hometown of Bloomington, Indiana, so imagine my excitement to get to where it all began. The plan was to get out of the chaps and spurs at the hotel before hitting the town, but I couldn't wait.
Turns out - i had nothing to worry about! Plenty of other patrons had chaps on too so I was right at home. Some also had police hats and horsewhips - I guess they were mounted police. This was just as warm and neighborly as my Applebees back in Indiana, but the menu is VERY different. I ordered my typical Apple-Tini-Teaser™ but unfortunately they didn't have that here. Instead, I got a Pimms-Peppa-Pleasah™.
Service was excellent - they could tell i require food that could be eaten with my hands and recommended a garlic prawn wrap. For us Americans, a prawn is like the buffalo of shrimp. That's how my waiter, Travis, explained it to me.
One note - spicy food and chaps don't mix. I was 4 bites into my wonderful wrap before my giblets were accidentally immersed in horseradish. Travis, my handsome waiter, pointed me to the restroom where i could baste my burning baubles and wash out my chaps. Well, the water was hot but it got the job done with minimal scalding. As patrons pretend to ignore me squatting over the sink like a sumo wrestler squaring off, I realize there are no hand towels to dry up. Instead, I would need to use the dreaded hand dryer. Everybody knows Applebees' hand dryers run HOT- so I was worried. Not here though. Applebees London is all about freshness and class. Instead, they have one of those Dyson hand dryers that harnesses the power of tornado to jet your hands dry. Any port in a storm, I always say. With a swift dunk, I would immediately realize this was no port, but rather the eye of a hurricane and my bits were suddenly ensnared in Dyson's diabolical flesh tempest of torment from which no grapes escape unwrung.
Like Chinese finger cuffs, struggle only pulls you deeper into Dyson's depraved lure. As the unrelenting cyclone stretched and coiled my dumplings into a fleshy pretzel, I began to pass out. Then I remembered advice I received picking apples at an orchard: twist, don't pull. With a gentle twist, I broke free of Dyson's cruel wind. I don't know what he has against bags, but Dyson's deceitful harvest would not include mine. Not today...
Sore and blue, once more Travis to the rescue. Such great service at Applebees!
He knew what to do immediately, fetching some Greek yogurt and hummus from the kitchen saying with a wink "you're going to need this". I'm sure it happens every day but it made me feel special and welcome.
So besides the Prawn Wrap, you should also check out the daily catch because everything is fresh, local and brought in daily. Oysters. Trout. Amazing. I can't wait to come back! And next time I won't fall prey to any of Dyson's duplicitous gambits.