Megan Alyson B.
Yelp
I won a gift certificate for this restaurant in a local Salem raffle (specific details of charity and raffle not listed because I do not want them to be blamed). Because of the gift certificate, my boyfriend, sister, and roommate decided to go to Blue Fez for dinner on Sunday, July 3rd after a day of moving apartments. I was excited because I thought I'd be able to at least pay for my meal and my sister's meal (as repayment for helping me move). We were also very excited for the drinks as they've been great in the past, as well as the delicious complimentary bread we've received before.
We arrive and there's one or two other diners there. Despite high-class establishment pricing, there is not a high-class establishment ambience. Music was not playing-- instead, they were playing a photo slideshow on a tv screen. At first, they're showing pictures of the food, but the slideshow devolves into something far more strange later in the meal... but I'll get to that in time.
Shortly after we're seated, we're informed that they don't have a bartender that night (really? On a holiday weekend where most people have the next day off?) so none of the drinks that we looked forward to. We decide that we'll go ahead and stay anyway.
I inform them that I won a gift card from a local Salem charity raffle (I specify to them which one and give details). The gift card was valued at $25 at minimum by the raffle, but whoever made the gift certificate had put a smiley face and a question mark at the value on the certificate itself. Seems promising! I gave it to our server and asked if we could be informed of the value.
We look at the menu and decide what we'd like. Server comes back and says that she's having trouble with the gift certificate-- she can't find it in their system. She asks if I'd like for her to call the manager. I let her know that I would like that. We figure that it will be sorted out since it's very obviously not a fraudulent gift certificate and we go ahead and order anyway. We essentially wanted to know the value so we could figure out if we should get wine or something too, but were all planning on getting meals regardless.
She comes back and tells us that she called the manager but doesn't propose any solutions. I ask if there's anything she can do/ask them to figure out what's going on with the certificate. She agrees and leaves again.
Now we've been sitting there for a while, still no music, no bread (guess they stopped doing that?), lots of gift certificate confusion.
After a long while, she comes back and tells me that there's nothing they can do. I'll just have to come back again when the manager is there. She has me write down my number and give it to them so they can call me when the manager is in.
Well that sucks, but we've ordered food... like half an hour ago so we're eating here I guess. Then someone comes out with our food! Nice, we're hungry, we want to eat, and we want to leave and forget about this horrible experience. But it's not our food, it's the complimentary bread... being given to us literally half an hour after seating. One very small round of bread for four people. At least the nibbles we all got were really good.
Eventually the food comes out and it's underwhelming to say the least. Grossly overpriced and gross, to say more accurately. My boyfriend ordered a duck dish that was quite expensive, and it was so excessively fatty that he couldn't eat most of it. My dish was edible, but very bitter and unimpressive. My sister and roommate didn't have anything to say about their meals (because if you don't have anything nice to say...).
Now to the crowning glory of this experience... the progression of the slideshow. Started off innocently enough with photos of their dishes, but devolved into memes. Really, really weird boomer memes. The climax of the evening was when a meme appeared depicting a nude cartoon boy standing on a nude cartoon girl's head as they attempt to have sex. Or was the climax the old man bathing in a forklift? Meanwhile my boyfriend is attempting to suffer through an inedible duck dish at a premium price.
This place ain't right. Oh, and nearly half a year later, I don't think the manager has been in because they have yet to call me/leave a message.