clemence harvey
Google
Chateau Massillan – Farcical French Chateau theme park
I never have posted a review on Google Review or Trip Advisor, unless I felt that something is direly wrong, that other trusting people need to be warned.
So please be warned about Chataeu Massillan 730 Chemin de Massillan, 84100 Uchaux, Provence.
Owned by Pierre and Marie Diderot who AI informs me has devoted their lives to the organic world, Chateau Massillan has a restaurant that boasts a Michelin recommendation, and is listed on Tablet, so not surprisingly, on arrival, our expectations were high.
From check in, things rapidly turned sour. We helped the valet carry our own bags to a room too small for two people. This was not a problem, as upon the third request to be upgraded to a larger room (we were happy to pay and did) it was granted. We were ushered off to a larger room atop of the spa facility, smelling faintly of chlorine and essential massage oil.
The rooms at Chateau Massillan are remarkable for what they do NOT have.
They do NOT have a mini bar, (completely empty) which is not what is proudly advertised online. It being Easter long weekend and not a snack or fresh coffee (or Milk) to be had in sight, slight panic sets in. We are held captive in a medieval French Chateau and made to eat, breakfast, lunch or dinner from their mediocre restaurant. Despite the blurb for the restaurant saying that produce is painstaking picked from the garden, and everything is organic, butter arrives prepacked in foil cubes, packaged cruskits are served with the cheese platter and instant coffee sachet sticks are offered in the rooms. There is NO FOOD in the rooms. Clearly, we need to go forth and forage in the garden too. Or find an open supermarket on Good Friday.
Upon our upgrade we went to hang suit bags and the wardrobe rail collapsed. So NO where to hang clothes.
Upon further inspection of the room, we discovered NOT even a shower cap is provided in bathroom. We do get supermarket soap pumped from an unattractive plastic dispenser. So much for atmosphere.
To take the edge off the check in experience, we decided to have a drink in the conservatory, but it was pungent with the smell of sewage. We chose instead the lobby for aperitif.
We are out in the middle of nowhere, there is no food in the bar fridge and the restaurant was a ‘secret degustation’ no choice of al la Carte. Highly inappropriate. The wait staff were pleasant but forgetful.
The chef clearly is enchanted with his PacoJet as every dish comes with a foam accompaniment.
Being a keen gardener, I was seduced online by the tree lined photographs of the ancient plane trees that form an attractive avenue around the garden, but the garden is unkept, pots with weeds and sticks and assorted array of bad garden art scattered throughout the grounds. I guess it is easier to place ugly stuff in a garden than landscape, grow and look after plants. What a missed opportunity.
Overall, I get the feeling that guests are held captive here at Chateau Massilan forced to eat in the restaurant as there are no shops or cafes for miles, and the owners are scheming at every opportunity has to how to increase their profits and lower their operating costs as it must be a very expensive exercise running a medieval chateau.