Shawn Cooper
Google
Cisco Brewery: Where the Porta-Potties Hold More Secrets Than the Crown Jewels
Let me set the scene: The Queen and I descended upon Cisco Brewery in Boston’s Seaport like two sun-starved peasants who’d just discovered that beer and tasty drinks exists. The weather? Gorgeous. The sun? A relentless, fiery orb determined to turn us into human jerky. But did we care? No, because food, tasty cold drinks and beer.
This place is basically an adult playground with food trucks slinging everything from fried seafood (delicious) to pizza (also delicious) to chicken fingers (classic, like the Queen’s taste in hats). We snagged a table off to the side, where the shade was as scarce as a polite comment on Twitter. But hey, sweating builds character—or at least that’s what I told myself as I melted into a puddle slight regret.
Now, let’s talk about the real adventure: The Great Porta-Potty Speakeasy Scavenger Hunt. Cisco Brewery teased us with whispers of a hidden bar, accessible only through one of those plastic throne rooms we all know and… tolerate. After a quick pit stop (because hydration is key), we found the special porta-potty—marked with a biohazard sign, because nothing says "exclusive lounge" like the threat of chemical warfare.
Swing open the door, shuffle past the toilet paper (hopefully unused), and voilà—you’re in a speakeasy the size of a broom closet with all the ambiance of a storage unit. Two tables, some walls, and the lingering question: "Did I just walk into a prank?" If you’re expecting a roaring ‘20s vibe with flapper girls and bathtub gin, you’ll be more disappointed than the Queen realizing her "limey, spicy" canned drink was a fancy adult Capri Sun.
But here’s the thing—Cisco Brewery is still a blast. The food? Killer. The live music? Perfect for awkwardly swaying while holding a beer. The people-watching? Top-tier, especially when the guy next to you tries to drunkenly explain cryptocurrency to his golden retriever.
Final Verdict: Come for the beer, stay for the food, and maybe—maybe—check out the porta-potty speakeasy if you enjoy the thrill of mild disappointment. Just don’t forget sunscreen, because the sun here has no mercy. 4/5 stars, would sweat again. 👑🍻