Mike F.
Yelp
Eating a meal in an airport is almost always a bad experience. Not so much because of the food - airports in general have really stepped up the offerings as far as the types of restaurants and the quality of food available. The bad part is being packed, elbow-to-elbow, into a small area that's not meaningfully separated from a terminal chockful of scurrying people, screaming toddlers, beeping vehicles, etc. And of course, you pay luxury prices for this awful restaurant experience. What if you could have your meal inside the airport, but in a peaceful, quiet spot, far from the cacophony? This is what is promised by Classified, an invitation-only restaurant in the Newark airport. We happened to be flying to Europe through there recently and my wife received an invitation (Mrs. Mike F is a United million miler, so they cringe and scrape before her. Me, they treat somewhere between "pond scum" and "scuttling invertebrate" unless I'm travelling with her.) She went ahead and booked us a tabld and at our appointed hour we went ahead over to the top secret entrance to Classified, which is through a door behind a more typical airport restaurant. Immediately, we were ushered into a calm, quiet room, seemingly a million miles from the cacophony of the airport. Soft music played, and a QR code on the table beckoned us to open up the menu on our phones. And then it turned into Door Dash. You don't just look at the menu using the QR code, you order and pay and tip (before you know whether the service was any good) using that QR code. Bad. So we browsed the menu, noticing that the prices were pretty much at New York restaurant levels - i.e. pretty pricey. And then I looked at the wine list. They had the Vieux Telegramme, a nice bottle of Rhone wine that retails for around $60, for $70. I was very impressed to see pricing like that in a restaurant until I realized that they charged $70 for a GLASS. I won't try to compare that to physical experiences involving bodily orifices as I don't think the Yelp folks would be happy, but suffice it to say we did not order a glass of that. We ended up going with the low end of the wine offerings, which were more in the $15 - 20 range. Food was fine, but not memorable given that we paid in the $25 - $30 range for our entrees. Service was attentive, which was nice given that we'd already tipped. The best aspect of the whole thing was that we were able to eat in peace and quiet.
So the summary: Excellent atmosphere, particularly for an airport meal. Inappropriate food ordering system. Insane wine prices. OK food. 3 stars. Mike sez if you're desperate for a quiet meal at the Newark airport and you're ready to pay for it, then check it out!