Rob C.
Yelp
Ah, "El Rey Rosticeria y Restaurante where the 4.8 rating on Yelp must be a testament to the triumph of hope over experience. Or maybe Yelp has introduced a new rating scale from 1 to 10? Who knows! Either way, allow me to recount my evening at this so-called gem of a dining establishment.
To kick things off, I mistakenly made two reservations for Saturday evening. Because, you know, maybe redundancy is key when dining out in 2024. I arrived, brimming with anticipation, only to be greeted by a host with a look so puzzled you'd think I asked them to explain quantum physics. "We don't take reservations," she said, eyes wide with confusion. I guess the concept of a reservation system is too avant-garde for this place.
After a brief standoff involving awkward glances and much head-scratching, we were told we'd have to wait. This wait, mind you, was conducted in the presence of two glaringly empty tables. Apparently, those tables were on a spiritual journey and weren't ready to be sat at just yet.
Eventually, we managed to sit ourselves down at one of the enlightened tables, and then... nothing. I could've sworn we had entered the Bermuda Triangle of restaurant service. Time passed, the Earth spun on its axis, and still, no service.
Two servers finally approached our table, each with the language proficiency of a brick wall. They didn't speak English, and according to my Spanish-speaking friend, their Spanish wasn't much better. I suspect they might have been attempting to communicate in a dialect exclusive to the kitchen supply room.
Speaking of supplies, there were several boxes of them under one of the dining tables. Ambiance, perhaps? A new trend in industrial-chic dining where you get to enjoy your meal alongside next week's paper towel inventory.
The menu was another adventure. Or, rather, a scavenger hunt. Several items were mysteriously absent, likely having embarked on a quest for a better restaurant. The food made me feel like I magically was transformed to a poorly run Taco Bell .
All in all, El Rey Desastre Ristorante ( renamed it). lived up to its name. If you're looking for an evening filled with linguistic challenges, phantom reservations, and dining amidst warehouse supplies, then this is your spot. For everyone else, I'd recommend steering clear and perhaps investing your time in a place that understands the concept of, well, everything a restaurant should be.