Alex O.
Google
Was here with a few friends on a Tuesday evening (8:30ish) and was cautiously optimistic having seen good reviews and a menu that looked like a best hits album of NOLA food and cocktails. Now I’ve only been to New Orleans once, but it was enough to have tasted just about every offering on the Swamp Room menu. (Un?)fortunately, I did not try everything Swamp Room had to offer. What I did try was a bit of an insult. We had already eaten dinner, so our primary fare was drinks. I ordered a classic, the vieux carre, hoping the kitschy sports bar interior (complete with an AI swamp video set high in the corner for visual ambiance) was just an ironic attempt to mimic the numerous tourist traps present in the Big Easy. If so, the irony extended to their drinks as well.
I’ll put it this way, a bar like this should stick to beer and maybe a house wine. I knew even before sniffing it that it would be bad, mainly due to the glassware. One of those thick, unchilled v-shaped rocks glasses that come standard with every dive bar mixed drink. The vermouth stood out as the worst offense - either it had gone bad or just wasn’t good to begin with. At least I got a whiskey-soaked maraschino cherry out of it. At $18, all I want is a properly stirred drink with a decent vermouth and bitters. Maybe an expressed lemon peel if you’re feeling fancy. My friends’ drinks weren’t any better. The grasshopper: the best of the bunch, but only because it’s a sweet, fluffy dessert. No balance whatsoever.
Frozen Irish coffee: this one comes out of a slushie machine and should have been a no-brainer. Admittedly, I did not try this one but my friends said it tasted wrong, like gasoline. We sent it back and the bartender agreed, saying there must be something wrong with the machine.
Hurricane: y’all, it’s lemon, passion fruit, and a whole lot of rum. In this version, I received a mouthful of high fructose corn syrup with some fruit punch flavoring agents. At least it was strong.
The service was sluggish. Our drinks came out one at a time and a few minutes apart. The bartenders seemed a bit bewildered, but I think they were actually just a little embarrassed, like a kid who half-assed his report and is taking his sweet time to get up in front of the class to read it. I wouldn’t say it was good service, but they weren’t actively rude so I won’t dock them too much. I felt their shame.
This is making me sad, so I’ll keep the food piece brief. We ordered the $26 half dozen charbroiled oysters. We weren’t expecting Drago’s exactly, but man, these were…not good. This might be on us for ordering post-dinner oysters at what is essentially a dive bar on a summer evening, but hey, it was on the menu. What we got were 6 steaming hot oysters sitting under a melted but strangely cool dollop of grated cheese with some scattered bacon bits. The oysters were way over-grilled (if that is how they were heated) and the toppings were undercooked. A true conundrum. We tried three and called it a day.
Our friends’ french fries: solid.
All told, we won’t be coming back. I don’t have high hopes for any of the other food on their menu. Maybe it was just a bad night or they’re still working out the kinks, but at $75 for two dive bar cocktails and half a dozen inedible oysters, it isn’t worth it for me to find out.