Josh R.
Yelp
I've been going to Gladstone Street Pizza for 5 years and counting. It is, without a doubt, Portland's preeminent pizza parlor.
The crust is the Ideal Thickness. Not so thin as to become cracker-like, but not so thick as to feel like I'm just eating bread. The focaccia can fulfill that need and is delicious.
The sauce is perfectly acidic. It's not watery, or distractingly sweet - it is delicious and it is made with tomatoes. There are multiple pizza sauces in this city whose tomato contents are questionable.
The cheese is the perfect thickness. It is gooey, but not unmanageably stringy. Rarely, if ever, do I have the common experience wherein the cheese and toppings slough off the pizza leaving a lump of topped cheese and a piece of tomato-sauce bread.
The staff are kind and helpful. They have mastered the art of foodservice. They should all be tipped 30% of every check all of the time.
The restaurant itself is welcoming and comfortable like a fireplace in winter (hygge, if you want to be nordic about it). I cannot think of another pizza place I have been to in my life where I've felt that the takeout experience was inferior because I was missing out on the ambiance.
The drinks, alcoholic and otherwise, are delicious. The beer they have on tap is great and their growlers are pretty. The particular root beer they carry is impeccable and only has 15g of sugar. (Root beer is the optimal beverage for all pizza but if you want to drink something else I won't think less of you.)
Their t-shirts are comfortable and fit well.
The house hot sauce is excellent and I always keep a bottle in my cabinet.
The vegan and vegetarian slices are very good, although I tend to prefer a lil meat on my pies, myself.
I have not tried every appetizer, but I've tried the majority of them, and I have yet to be let down.
I have also not tried any of the salads because eating a salad at a pizzeria is like going to a taproom and ordering a glass of juice. However, I bet their salads are very good given the quality of the vegetables topped on their pizzas.
I'm well-aware that the average yelper is not going to read this many words but
a) I'm hoping that putting this many words under a 5-star review will cause their eyes to glaze over and think "wow this place must be good if the author has this much to say".
b) I originally wrote four times as much and this is the cut-down version of my review.
c) I've just noticed that there's a review in the sidebar of my screen that reads "obsession with... Gladstone Street Pizza", so I'm not the only person writing a review to express an undying love for this establishment.
In case you wish to see my pizza credentials:
My grandfather was the sort of angry italian who told me that if I mentioned "pineapple on pizza" to *his* father, I would be thrown into the Hudson with cinderblocks tied to my feet. He has instilled within me the value of a well-made pizza pie. (Although, for the record: pineapple on pizza rocks.)
I once ate pizza every day for approximately 9 months. I could have carried an entire pizza child to term in that time. I only stopped because the amount of weight I gained made it look like that was exactly what I was doing.
I have, by my count, been to 15 different pizza places in Portland.
I refuse to name any of them to prove this claim, because it would just be taking attention away from Gladstone Street Pizza. Every time I eat pizza from somewhere else I feel like I'm cheating on my pizza spouse. I have had literal nightmares about this restaurant going under. I do not know what they mean but I know that I love pizza.
I come to you as a pizzavangelist, a pizzaficianado, a pizzappreciator, and implore you to eat at Gladstone Street Pizza.
