Darlynn F.
Yelp
Please read with caution
I hope it finds you well, and saves you from heartbreak, as I was not prepared for the painful reality that some people are just not from Texas and should not make barbecue.
Green Mesquite bbq is the reason why Teri black is the most popular barbecue in town. The food specifically the ribs, pulled pork, mac & cheese, coleslaw, peach cobbler made my watering mouth, dry up quicker than the soil in my cactus pot.
The ribs
So dry, how do I begin to describe the flavorless, and colorless pork on bone that I was served. If you could imagine, chewing on impossibly hard, smooth feathery cork that's probably what it taste like. "Fall off the bone" is not in the equation. the meat clung to the bone, as if it was a cartoon character. Realizing it it was falling off a cliff suspended in mid air and had nothing but a measly bone to hang onto. Spare the poor pigs that sacrifice there body's to earn theses kind of reviews that need to happen more often.
The cobbler, oh, the cobbler.
The worst part about it is that my Grammy set my standards too high. Anticipating a cobbler with a sweet, thick Juicy peach savory sauce, with a crumbly, yet doughy cinnamon glaze crust to make me cry, was a huge miss.... I don't know how it's possible to create a bread so tasteless. The only flavor it amounted to was processed over bleached flour and Pam spray oil.
The mac & cheese
My very serious question is what cheese did they use...? For mac & cheese to have the most powdery grainy texture with no pull apart cheesy fork full of slap your mama kinda gooey goodness, is apparently a lot easier to achieve than I had imagined. And also, how is the cheese transparent? What kind of dairy cow made this? In fact, I do not believe it even was a cow. I believe aliens are among us. No seasonings were used in any of the food not even the bare minimum, salt.
Where does it get its flavor from? And what will they do next?
With all the respect in the world for the old folk, this food is what they serve in retirement homes. It should be illegal there in retirement homes and here in our home of Austin two blocks from Teri, Black barbecue. With lines from TBB so long, you can shake hands with the last person in line from the front door of green mesquite barbecue. It should be easy to walk over, observe, and implement what you learned to make decent barbecue in your restaurant.
All in all, I am still hungry. "If I don't like it, then I don't swallow"