Alan G.
Yelp
I come here and cry in a corner on a cozy bench in the back garden as I watch people play ping pong back and forth. My lip quivers and I shake my fist at the heavens, throwing my head back and howling into the night,
"I'm 1/16th or like 1/32nd Chinese or whatever! I'm Asian! WHY!?!? Why am I not a beast at this game? Ping pong skills, you're in my blood, dormant, entwined in my DNA, somewhere. WHERE ARE YOU!?!?! Come out and play. Help me fulfill my destiny!!!!"
So I'm really bad at ping pong and Starcraft, two major tenets of being a successful Asian male, but then I stop crying long enough to realize that I'm in Iona, and it's a bar, and it serves good beers, and beer is this wonderful elixir of fairies that helps you forget your tragic flaws and after only a few I forget the ping pong briefly enough to tell you the rest.
Iona - small cozy little nooks by the windows with benches, crowded everywhere as it's exceedingly popular. The back garden is money. Cash only.
When the garden closes I move in with my friends, throwing one last glance behind my shoulder at the ping pong table, a tear forming, but the beer has made me strong and angry, and I am no longer miserable and I am man and I bellow,
"SCREW YOU PING PONG! I HAVE THE BUILD FOR BADMINTON ANYWAYS, YEAH, SUCK ON THAT - A REAL MAN'S SPORT!"
I just love light feathery things and dainty rackets!