Alice C.
Yelp
Italian Gator Pizza should totally gets 5 stars, but I gave it 4 because I would be a big hypocrite if I gave it 5 stars while shaming you for eating, liking oily, sugar added, white flour, fast food pizza.
So here is the situation; if you are female over the age of 16, or a male over 26 (life is sexist and unfair, get used to it) eating this pizza late at night will soon give you body and self-esteem issues, and, before you know it, none of your sexy clothes fit, and you hear husband say something like, "DAMN BABY, you make those stretch pants look good!" He thought if he said it that way, he would not have to sleep on the couch.
But you see, the pernicious thing about this little window that serves up slices of fat and calories with very little food value, is it's perfect location where your booze addled brain shifts into make bad decisions mode -- location, location, location -- and it seems perfectly rational, drunk at 2am, to buy a slice, and if you manage to get it to your mouth - each slice comes with a sobriety testing paper plate with structural integrity seemingly inversely proportional to your blood alcohol level - those greasy, nasty slices go down your throat like little bites of heaven, making you become so happy and full of love, that you may wonder if you are eating or having sex.
The sex analogy really works here because the slice finishes long before you are ready for it to be over, and the guilt and remorse for what you have just done to yourself is instantaneous. If your regular guy is fresh healthy whole foods, you have have gotten drunk and cheated on your guy again. Luckily - location, location, location - there is a Catholic Church right next door. You run in and begin confessing immediately. "Father forgive me for I have sinned!" You expect absolution, but the priest says, "DAMN BABY, you make those stretch pants look good!" So you run back out of the church holding the crust between your thumb and forefinger like a crucifix, lift it to the sky and scream, "I THOUGHT YOU ONLY HATED AMPUTEES!"
Yes, that was me outside St Augustine Catholic Church July 4th. I am so embarrassed. Only former ZBT brothers know how I feel.
So, Italian Gator, 4 stars. Don't go there; don't eat that. I will see you 2:15am Sunday morning. It's a date. Don't complement my stretch pants.