Jed C.
Yelp
Well I promised my girlfriend I would cook her dinner tonight. However, what with alot of recent excitement in and around my flat, I didn't actually find the time to shop for delicious fresh food for my delicious fresh girlfriend (forgive the crass analogy, just turning phrase for your pleasure!) so after we did some shopping in Chinatown, I said I would take her to an all you can eat buffet. What followed was a dark chapter in my life as a restaurant connoisseur.
Chinatown is an exciting place, especially for a first timer like me, but I was insistant on finding myself an all-you-can-eat as opposed to other restaurants where I couldn't eat myself to insensitivity for relatively cheap prices.. I eventually came across this place for £8.50 a meal and I was, as I usually am, easily satisfied. Pulling my girlfriend in, I asked for a table for two and was led to a table for eight and just placed there. Slightly perturbed, I took my seat but was told to in fact sit in a specific two-person bit of this eight-person table. Interesting...
So I sat down. I was immediately asked what I would like to drink and I waited to see what my girlfriend wanted - simply because of the unwritten rule I employ when dining with a girl.. always let them order drinks first. I always get tap water (restaurant drink prices are just criminal) so that it doesn't make me look cheap when I order tap water after they order themselves something exciting.. however, at this restaurant, they told me that tap water wasn't an available service.. the menu listed everything from water to fizzy drinks at £1.50 and I thought Christ, that's expensive. I decided (unwisely, as it turned out) to order the same as my girlfriend, Green Tea. It also was £1.50 but had free refills so i thought, awesome! So before I went and got myself some food from the buffet, my tea was on my table but too hot to drink..
Green Tea Temperature : Piping Hot
So I went and helped myself to some food. I was looking forward to this bit but I ended up feeling quite disappointed. They had alot of choice for the little commodities like prawn toast, seaweed, prawn crackers etc but as for the main food I am sure other places in the past have offered me at least double the amount that the Kowloon Restaurant does. With three types of staple (thinner noodles, normal noodles and rice) I chose my usual.. normal noodles with lots of meat. I was tucking in with my girlfriend when she, in her beautiful way that means she cannot be horrible about anyone or anything, said 'these noodles are a bit.. special' and laughed. She was right on the money.. an odd, almost soil like taste followed a mouthful of these noodles. I was a bit perturbed but the texture was still like normal and mixed with meat, it was bearable. The salt tally on my body was increasing sharply though so I turned to my drink for refreshment but..
Green Tea Temperature : Piping Hot
This situation had become a bit too annoying for my liking and, gasping for appropriate refreshment, I was backed into the corner of getting myself some mineral water. Expensive, I thought, but the perfect accompaniment to this salt festival in my mouth. What I ordered and what they bought me though appeared to be very different things. I expected half a litre of nice cold mineral water. What I got was a warm bottle that had less liquid in it then a can of coke does. It managed to fill a single cup to the brim and that was it. Having drank this (it took me all of 6 seconds to do so) I turned to my girlfriend and asked her where the rest of my god damn water was! She didn't appear to know either.. so through a series of events, I was pretty fuming. In the end though, it did manage to get slightly worse.
Green Tea Temperature : Piping Hot
Having finished my meal, I reclined my chair with a full belly and was slightly less peeved then before. My girlfriend thanked the waitress in Chinese for her meal and luckily she didn't catch my glowering glance as I let her and the waitress know exactly what I thought of the meal. The waitress, in turn, was disappointed in me for taking some duck meat off the bone from the buffet cart and not managing to consume the bone itself.. for this I was so sorry, I must have left my shark dentures at home! I was charged £2.10 for leaving these bones on my plate and instead of arguing like I wanted too I just left so that I could tell my girlfriend, and anyone within about ten feet of us, what I thought of that restaurant. If you couldn't quite hear me, I was the one with the air turning blue all around me! I am not coming back to this place... I recommend that you don't either.
Green Tea Temperature : God knows because I didn't get to drink it!