Ramanan B.
Google
The rice was, by some cosmic miracle, properly steamed, not overly mushy, nor incomprehensibly undercooked. The cashew chicken was marginally acceptable, though the spice content hovered at the lower bound of gastronomic lethargy. One could perhaps characterize these as positive aspects, if one were feeling charitable.
Now, prepare yourself, because the rest of this establishment’s so-called "hospitality" is a masterclass in ineptitude. Honestly, do the employees at Ling Nan Chinese Restaurant possess even a rudimentary understanding of the concept of decency? Greet a paying customer? Offer a basic “hello”? Preposterous! Instead, one is met with a barrage of idiotic, blank expressions that induce immediate irritation and existential questioning. I contemplated whether I had inadvertently entered a parallel universe in which social niceties are forbidden. Then, after surviving the hostile glare gauntlet, I was “escorted” to a table for dine-in service. And where did they place me? Facing the restroom. Yes, because obviously, nothing complements the delicate flavors of spring rolls and cashew chicken quite like a frontal view of toilet doors. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to shift my seating location, but the initial placement alone should merit international censure.
Next comes water service or, more accurately, the egregious absence thereof. In a functioning restaurant, one provides water in jugs and cups for the patrons without necessitating repeated, humiliating requests. Ling Nan, in a bold reinterpretation of the term "customer service," dispenses water on a need-to-ask basis, usually in a single, miserly cup. This, in conjunction with the menu debacle, leads one to suspect that the concept of hydration is culturally alien to this establishment.
Speaking of the menu, I indulged my love for Chinese cuisine: spring rolls and cashew chicken, the classics. I paid $35 AUD for two spring rolls. Two. TWO. In contrast, other establishments in the CBD serve four to five pieces for $9 with a sweet chili sauce that elevates the dish to a sublime culinary experience. Ling Nan, in a grotesque display of ignorance, opts for two bland spring rolls served with ketchup. Ketchup. Who, I ask rhetorically, consumes spring rolls with ketchup? Furthermore, the spring rolls were devoid of spice, flavor, or even the faintest suggestion of culinary ambition. I tested my taste buds by consuming a cashew nut from the cashew chicken, they functioned correctly, which means the spring rolls’ vapidness is not a physiological anomaly but a testament to this restaurant’s incompetence.
The rice was served in a small bowl, which, given the exorbitant prices, seems a deliberate act of gastronomic mockery. One cannot help but wonder if the restaurant subscribes to a "quantity over quality" philosophy except they fail at both. And the lighting! The ambiance is dim, depressing, and induces a near-clinical sense of malaise. A restaurant’s lighting should enhance appetite and mood; here, it merely enhances the desire to flee.
Seating arrangements resemble a chaotic circus rather than an organized dining space. Why are there so many chairs and oversized tables? Is Ling Nan designed exclusively for overcrowded family gatherings or itinerant juggling acts? One cannot tell. Kitchen doors are flung open to public view, revealing chefs handling food with bare hands, seemingly oblivious to the concept of gloves or hygiene. One begins to wonder whether there exists an alternate universe where health regulations are suggestions rather than mandates.
Overall, Ling Nan Chinese Restaurant is an unparalleled exercise in culinary negligence, social ineptitude, and operational chaos. The combination of overpriced, flavorless food, hostile and untrained staff, abominable service, and a grotesque interior renders this establishment unfit for human consumption.
