D S.
Yelp
Like the rest of you fools, I was here for the DY...
"But Darin, that was on October 19th!!"
Yeah, well bitches, I guess I'm JUST LIKE that cheerleader Jenny McIntercourse on the ABC Afterschool Special who was gangbanged by the football team without protection -- I'M TWO WEEKS LATE. SO FUCKING SUE ME. What, do you think I spend all my time on yelp, staging interventions on the talk threads and writing reviews?!?
...
Oh STFU, that was a RHETORICAL QUESTION.
ANYWAY, I had the BEST time here!
Sure, the actual road signs, peanut shells on the floor, leather porn photos on the walls, and wood carpentry created the PERFECT atmosphere for a marathon cornholing session; sure, the back patio was capacious and perfect for enjoying the cloudless sky or smoking a blunt; sure, the clientele was pretty cool with seeing all of us asshole lushes rush their bar like it was Last Call; sure, I refer to us as "assholes," but it's a term of endearment since the truth is I love each and every person who was there (no attitude was thrown, no drama unfolded, it was just 30 people tightening the bonds of friendship).
But the two wonderful bartenders -- I totally forget their names, which is notable because I didn't screw them and only sex gives me short-term memory loss -- just iced my cake! THEY are the real reason why Lone Star gets five stars. If I ever see these men on the street, I'll greet them with open legs!
They were patient, accomodating, and flirtatious with everyone. They also poured intense drinks. And when I say "intense," I mean "slip a roofie in my drink and work your horny magic on my prone yet warm body INTENSE." My kind of guys.
And let me tell you, nothing beats group blowjob (shots). Yes. We sucked down those creamy fuckers as if we were blowjob (shot) virgins. Some of us even had THREE rounds. Just in case you don't know what that's like:
One blowjob (shot): Fuck.
Two blowjob (shots): Double fuck.
Three blowjob (shots): FUCK ME NOW.
Need I say more?