Gareth R.
Yelp
I'll set out my stall straight away - I was incredibly underwhelmed.
Having bought the hype and gone to Meat Liquor (ML) a few months ago, only to be fairly disappointed, I hadn't expected that I'd go to another franchise. However, I found myself in Covent Garden, and figured that everyone deserves a second bite of the cherry, so off I toddled to Meat Market (MM) with some friends ... a couple of cocktails to the good and feeling magnanimous, hoping that MM would blow my socks off and absolve the chain's previous failure to delight and entrance.
Alas, whilst ML had been only mildly disappointing, this was hugely disappointing. So let down was I, that I was actually angry. "Who are these tasteless numpties who keep banging on about how great these burgers are?" I cried, gnashing my teeth and tortured by despair which can only be likened to King Lear (or any number of Shakespeare's other tragic leads, for that matter).
First off - the decor and location. It's ironic, low-rent and perfectly fine. Claridges it is not, but you wouldn't want that anyway. The former takeaway menu signage being left up feels a little gauche, but I get it ... it's somewhat funny. All in all, it was totally fit for purpose, if not a massive point in its favour.
Service - we went earlyish (6pm) on a Saturday. It was surprisingly unbusy, so we were not rushed out. Staff were perfunctorily polite - not super engaging, but hey this is only supposed to be a burger joint. As with the decor, let's judge it on what it's trying to be (rather than what it could be).
Drinks - one of the saving graces of the meal, perhaps in no small part because they offered booze to ease my pain. "Hard" milkshakes using Coole Swan ("dirty white" ... CS being a sublime whisky cream which spanks Bailey's like a red-headed step-child) and Woodford Reserve & maple syrup ("beige") were both excellent. Supremely tasty and well-conceived. Bravo. "Miami Vice" comprised a mix slushy of pina colada and strawberry daiquiri. Fun idea, and it also slipped down quite easily.
Food - arguably what we all really care about. We ordered a Black Palace burger, Ripper hotdog, Philly cheesesteak, corn puppies and chilli cheese fries.
Chilli cheese fries came came in a bizarre lasagne-esque mess, but was fairly solid - ground meat was reasonably well-seasoned with decent flavour, chips were adequate, cheese was quite nice.
Corn puppies (livery/porky andouille sausage in corn-bread) were surprisingly good. Quality of the sausage was good, with a satisfying coarse grind interplaying with the unique texture of cornmeal dough.
Philly Cheesesteak - I wanted to love it, I really did. Overstuffed, under-flavoured. Just incredibly bland. Beef of dubious quality, but you don't expect sliced fillet (though at these prices ...). Cheese sauce was alright, but sparse.
Ripper hotdog - what an absolute bloody mess. Covered in "Danish sauce" and mustard. Completely drowned the dog, which was quite nice in isolation - good solid bratwurst. Bun was meh. Overall just a tragic disappointment, rendered almost inedible by monsoon-like quantities of peripheral condiment.
Black palace burger - thoroughly mediocre. Patty was overcooked IMO. Burger was overstuffed , and the bun disintegrating. It's just so "busy" ... too much going on. Not a bad burger per se, but certainly nothing to write home about. Just a big indistinguishable and unremarkable mess
The thing is, in another time and place, MM/ML burgers may have passed as being good ... but in a world where Hawksmoor exists (or on the other end of the spectrum - Shake Shack in NYC) there's simply no excuse for burgers which fall so far from the pinnacles reached by others.
Eaten at a burger van for half the price when you're drunk, these would suffice. For these prices in the heart of Covent Garden when you're sober, it's incredibly under-par.
Shame, really.