Mortimer's Bar and Restaurant

Fun place to get your dance on, with some amazing DJs & musicians appearing often (Shannon Blowtorch, Sophia Eris, Jada Brown, & more). 11pm-2am is the best time to hit the floor. Reasonably priced menu, but i haven't tried the food yet.

Great gem! Food was amazing! The food was a different twist on basic food. So Delicious! The staff Sammy and Daniel were friendly and helpful! Just an overall great atmosphere. The prices were also reasonable.

Ended up in town for a conference and visited the sculpture gardens and market with 2 colleagues. We were hungry and ended up here, not realizing it was a dive bar until we walked in. We sat down and waited for menus for 5-10 minutes then were told from behind the bar that we have to get our own menus (which is fine, just tell us when we walked by you). We had to help ourselves to water from a Gatorade style portable dispenser near the front door. I had concerns at this point but we ordered.. I had the fried walleye fish sandwich with Creole tots. I was pleasantly surprised when a huge plate came out with large pieces of crispy fish on the sandwich and a mountain of tots. The sandwich was tasty, bread and veggies were fresh and the tots perfectly crispy and seasoned. I would give food 4 stars and 1 for service and atmosphere.

I been coming for 3 years with kickball and 1 year outside of kickball and some of the bartenders just seem like they don't wanna be bothered buy the customers... I use to get my shrimp taco tortillas fried which gave it flavor now they say they do to do it or never done it!! Their pizza are ok the other food just don't have seasoning ... I like the atmosphere ...

I went for open mic on Friday nights! It was pretty chill. The bar area is smaller than most but still satisfied with the drinks. The venue for open mic was well closed off from general bar chatter, though there was frequent interruptions from servers going from the main floor to the kitchen. So less than ideal conditions but Sidney the host was top notch with his talent and equipment and friendly attitude. It’s a free show and I highly recommend.

People are lovely, food is not, and it’s dark and sad inside - I would not come back. I came because I arrived for a 2pm meeting at noon, the original time. I needed somewhere to go to wait it out! Popped in here based on reviews and pictures. Bartender was a friendly guy and I asked for the brunch menu. Moved to a table once I got my food. Got the chicken and waffles. HORRIBLE DECISION. My food came out what I assume was right away, but my waffle wasn’t warm. Not even warm enough for butter which I didn’t really get to use. Chicken wasn’t much warmer. The syrup didn’t taste like maple or sweet - it was bitter and black. I got a bit of the bourbon and lots of burnt bacon. I asked for regular syrup from my very kind waitress. Almost done when I took these pictures, but I now have a headache and a bit of a turning stomach so I won’t finish. Very disappointing for $14. Hate to waste food so I didn’t send it back, but now I’m not finishing it either. Real waste. Would not recommend, but thank you to the kind wait staff 🤷🏾‍♀️ My kind waitress disappeared maybe 20-30 minutes ago after checking in once and I haven’t seen her even wandering. Now waiting to get my bill which is also annoying. Had to ask the guy at the bar and he’s sending her out now. Definitely want to leave more and more.

Old school neighborhood bar with a lot of new blood. Separate space for their music/dance/karaoke events. Dart board, pinball and a foosball table. The food is excellent and they have a late night menu on the weekend. It's a vibe, if you don't like it maybe not your vibe.

Decided to have dinner at Mortimer's last week and I'm glad I did. Ordered nacho platter for an appetizer. We decided to add beef, chicken, and black beans to it. Amazing! Their special that night was Fettuccine Alfredo which we ordered with both chicken and shrimp for $18? The portion was significant, and it was perfectly cooked. Finally, I got the Coney dog platter and they're take on a Coney dog is a little different than the Gopher Bar in Saint Paul, however, it was also a great entree. Mortimer's is definitely a place to check out as it won't disappoint!

A classic dive bar Beer selection is not good The prices are, though If you are looking for a beer you have never had before, this is not the place. However, it seems like it is almost always two for ones. $8 for two Bloody Mary's and a snit this morning. Gotta get a little juiced up for the Vikings game! They have six pinball machines and Touch Tunes. Use the Touch Tunes at your own risk. Some of the locals get a little defensive. Played a number of tunes here one time and the next song that came on was Tom Petty's Don't Come Around Here No More. They do have an attached concert room. Saw local legends Run Westy Run here awhile back. Great show! Dave Pirner made a cameo appearance. Think I've only had food here once. It was not great. Those tater tots were burnt to a crisp. I recommend this place for its dive bar vibe and cheap drinks, may need to give the food another shot before I say take a hard pass on it. Hoping my three star is not the kiss of death on this place as it has been for other places in the neighborhood that I have reviewed. They have been here for decades. They should be fine!

This a good dive bar! I highly recommend checking out their events. They host a range of artists including goth themed nights, local and traveling DJ's, bands, and more. Their shows are priced appropriately with often a small cover being charged to enter the back event room. The front of the house has a punk feel to it which I love. Drinks are poured a bit stiff which suits my taste as well. Crowds can be hit or miss, some days or very busy, sometimes almost empty. The seating is a bit sparse at times but there are plenty of bar games to enter yourself with. Service is as expected for a dive bar. Come in and respect the vibes and you should have a great time! Definitely worth a stop.

I usually don't leave reviews, but I felt compelled to share my experience after yet another disappointing visit to this bar. The bartender, Kathy, was extremely rude and made me feel like I was a burden just for being there. She consistently ignored me in favor of regulars, even though I had been waiting patiently. When I finally got a drink, it was clearly watered down and not worth the price. I asked for my bill, and instead of getting it, she stepped outside possibly for a smoke leaving me waiting again. Sadly, this wasn't the first time I've been treated this way by her. It's really unfortunate, because this place has potential, but service like this drives customers away. I won't be returning if this is the standard they allow behind the bar.

The 3 times I've been, twice I had to wait over 20 mins for drink. I don't mind waiting when you're busy, but at least acknowledge me. Now I just meet a white my homeboys, when they smoking in the back of the the bar And the food is below average. The Bartenders were 2 females With piss poor customer service.

Despite having lived in this neighborhood for collectively nearly 5 years, I somehow never went inside Mortimer's until recently. It's a tough place to rate, so I'm giving it my standard 3 stars (which is NOT a bad review in my book). It's a dive-bar with cement floors, pinball machines, a small patio where people smoke, and lots of drunk and/or quiet old-timers. I like that they have Sociable Ciderwerks Freewheeler on tap, along with a Clown Shoes Mango Kolsch. They also have tater tots ($5) and golden fries ($5) which are tasty. I got an Impossible burger ($10) which is dirt-cheap as it also came with fries. This was a perfectly no-effort implementation of the burger. I'm not sure the bun is vegan, but it wasn't good anyway, so I didn't eat it. Come to Mortimer's for a laid-back time with decent taps, divey atmosphere and tater tots. Get an Impossible burger if you're hungry. Keep your expectations low and you'll be fine.

Hated it. I do not want to give them a rating and nor do they deserve one. We were trying to go to Red Dragon, a friend and I, but they were closed... so we moseyed over to Mortimer's. Now, I always SAW the place when I would frequent Rudolph's, but had never been. This was my first time and it will also be my last. i walk in, they were playin pretty good music, so i was feeling good. Walk up to the bar, two bartenders, *race isn't really the point, but 1 black and 1 white. The black bartender was closest to me and literally looked right at me, made eye contact and then turned his back on me. LOL If felt like a black on black crime, guys! My guy friend walks up (potty run) and I whisper to him what happened, so I let him place the order for our drinks since I was still being ignored. Drink was decent, no complaint. He goes back up for another beer and placed an order for my Long Island. It was so gross and was mostly pop. It was like this black guy had a problem with ME, just ME. LOL/SMH My guy friend is a very very light complexioned mixed man, who can pass for anything, fyi. I tried to drink the drink, but I couldn't do it. We left it on the table and we asked the white bartender to make my drink and it was good. IDK about this place guys. I've HEARD it was a racist place TBH, but I don't want to speculate, but the whole vibe that I received made me unwelcomed and very much so gave "You don't have to go home, but you need to get outta here." .. and did. We left after that and i will NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER return again. Two thumbs down. Yelp star minus one. Bad vibes. Needs to be closed. That is all.

This is hands down the worst bar I'm Minnesota. I'm a bar reviewer and when I say this place should not be in business, I mean it. the drinks are really watered down and they save there bottles to refill. can u say bacteria. the food is always over cooked, sides watered down. the employees are not pleasant at all. the older white laddie is ridiculously rude. they don't smile. they all look angry and mumble under there breath. I'm sitting here now watching this. this is not how you make wings. the grease is definitely old because everything taste the same. anytime the chicken bones fall apart with the chicken that means it's old and freezer burned. Guys please stop giving these people your hard earned money. go to a bar that appreciates your busines.

Great happy hour. Food is super delicious for dive bar/bar food. Service can be a little hit or miss. Lots of regulars and limited seating so if you like to sit at the actual bar it might be full. Good bar for people watching as there are some characters that go there.

I really want to love this place. It's so close to home and has ownership that that clearly knows how good food and service should be done. Just not at this location. This was our second visit and we found the service to be a bit slow and sloppy each time. I would expect a simple BLT to be executed perfectly. I mean, it's just bacon, lettuce and tomato. The bacon could have been flashed in the oven or skillet; it was room temperature. The tomato was just one slice per 1/2 and had not been cored properly. I know not to expect much out of a tomato in May in Minnesota but...there are ways to make it better. Then they ran out of oregano vinaigrette. On a Saturday night. This is a good place for music and a beer. Don't expect much more than that.

Mort's has recently been revived by the owners of Nightingale, so go ahead and ignore all the old negative reviews ;]. They've preserved a lot of the character while also adding new touches and making it great small local music venue. Nothing like getting a v fancy Grain Belt at a historic stained-glass bar at a punk show! There's usually a cover for their shows which are hosted in a separate room from the main bar. Support some musicians and pile in! You get a wristband so you can re-enter the venue space, in case you want to grab a drink at one of their multiple bars, grab some 50c wings on Wednesday, play some arcade games, or have a smoke on the back patio. You also might want to read up on their nightly food specials like Soul Food Sunday and bottomless spaghetti Monday...

Subpar bar with subpar food. Oh and be careful not leave your bartender/server's line of sight because you will be charged double. I sat at the bar, had food and a beer, then moved (still inside the car) to a table and got stuck with an obscene bill. Oh and it took 1.5 hours for my food to arrive because the bartender didn't out the order in. There are so many better places to go in the area. Don't go here.

this place is great during rush hr. drinks are stiff and the food is incredible! I suggest the club sandwich! they have live music at night, pinball games and the variety of people and conversations are interesting. great people watching. staff is great but, don't be a dumbass or a perv, you will be asked to leave... i appreciate that kind of staff safety

This bar/grill has gone through a Lot. The menu was pretty bad when I was there 5 months ago, but I went there recently and it was Amazing. An almost completely new menu and some really Great Specials. My friend had a club sandwich that was on the menu before but it looked more substantial. My friend said it was Delicious. I had the BBQ ribs with potatoes and coleslaw. It was Wonderful. Good portion and meaty. It's nice when a place pushes themselves like this to be what I remember them to be years ago. I will be back soon~!

2 for 1 happy hour, pinball, and free popcorn. Does life as we know it really need to exist outside those walls? Get here while you can before the place becomes a condo tower.

This place is absolutely horrible for food!!! Fries are white, burger is literally gray and has not 1 single burn mark buns are dryer then a Popeyes biscuit and the chicken wings are literally pink and not even crispy at all. Pure chicken skin rubber... I had to make a prayer before I ate this food . Absolutely trash and the chef should be finding a new job!!

I love the beautiful upstairs bar because of its gorgeous stained glass ceiling and uniquely furnished sitting areas. Very sophisticated, yet the Food and drink is very reasonably priced. Some nights offer live entertainment and I also like their happy hour. The clientele is friendly.

With a name like Mort's, you're not sure what to expect. For one, it's located in a hip-ass gentrified neighborhood. Like there're mid-rise condo buildings popping up all over the place, including right next door. Still, you can tell Mort's has been around for a while. It just screams 'local watering hole' (well not literally because that'd be terrifying) as it sits prominently on the corner. Turns out that's exactly what Mort's is, though--a booze hole serving the locals since 1976. Recent changes have expanded the place into an adjacent space (which happens to be another old dive bar with sweet stained glass and cozy seating) and, mostly notably, has made Mort's a great spot to catch local bands. I was there to see a punk show and the music venue side was full of smelly punk rock gals and dudes in their 20s, 30s and 40s with all kinds of patches on tattered jean jackets. It was awesome. I liked how the music venue side was separated so you could just hang out at Mort's and not have to pay the cover. Likewise, if you were there to see the show, you could float back-and-forth between both sides. Really, Mort's is very inviting and makes it easy for everyone to hang out and have a good ol' time. Hope to be back sooner than later!

Hooooo boy, girls hate Mortimer's. This place is the definition of a dive, and that's exactly why I love it. There's this perpetual air of despondence and brotherly commiseration that never gets old. There are three separate bars, each with its own distinct character and ambiance - so you can chose which kind of dump you'd like to sit in and wallow in your own mortality. Sure, the free popcorn tastes like cat food. But it's OUR cat food. I'm not sure I'd ever actively venture to this bar if I didn't live right around the block, but that's neither here nor there. Mortimer's is actually a step down from staying in and doing nothing, and if you don't appreciate the beauty in that, you're beyond hope.

Mort's is a great neighborhood dive. Although, they just re-did it, so it's not as much of a dive anymore! Which is good and bad. Because the bar is more comfortable to be at, but it's sort of, not a dive. They do have buck hunter and darts (and they used to have pool tables but I don't know where those are now), so it's funny because they still have random dive-y things like that. Great pizza and fun trivia during the week. I love Mort's! I've always had good service here too, which is uncharacteristic of a dive bar. The waitress' are helpful and sweet. There's always a good deal going on and the place is full of goofy folks from the neighborhood. Love it!

Kathy's the best. She's an institution. Forget you haters. I could take or leave the random sober people playing foosball. Hot take: they have good wings

Incompetent staff. Bad food. Never again. Better off going to a better establishment. Was hoping with the new live music elements that it coule be a stand in of sorts for what the Triple Rock was. Nope.

I go to Mortimer's regularly (usually 2x a week or so) and always had great service. I'm a Lyft driver, and when people ask me for recommendations, I often times send them to Mortimer's. However, after last night, I won't be going back, nor will I send my customers there. The bar tender last night had an argument with a group and had to kick them out. Everything was OK, until I heard him call one of them a "fun**** faggot!" NOT ok. As a gay man, I refuse to patronize a place that would allow this kind of behavior.

The bar was practically empty when we were there, yet we waited 40+ minutes for our food and were given a very short response with no apology when we asked about our food. I've been to Mortimers numerous times and the woman behind the bar has always been very rude, but this was some of the worst service I've had. The food was fine, but the service was so bad and the wait was so long that it didn't matter. I wouldn't recommend this place. Side note: there's a poster in the place claiming "2 for one PBR All Day", but the bar tender claimed it only applied to their happy hour.

Went here to watch football and get wings. The TVs are not very good and are hard to see if you don't get one of few good seats. However the wings and tots were good. Small town bar feel. Staff was friendly and provided good service.

Great atmosphere, great drinks, great service. Wonderful dive bar that is close to my apartment and reminds me of my hometown up north. But literally the worst nachos I've ever had. The cheese wasn't melted and there was so much sour cream poured over the top. I even love sour cream so wasn't too bummed about it until I tasted it and realized the sour cream tasted like butt. My friend got the buffalo cauliflower and it was good! I'll go again for sure, but just will never order the nachos.

The new live music room is tops for local acts. If you want to see a great local indie - this is the spot. Morts is an uptown classic with the vibe of Lyles or CC club but cleaner, classier, and safer.

My favorite bar in town two for ones until 6 heavy pours decent rail whiskey since the new owner took over the food menu is very good I suggest getting the jrd sandwich it's killer some of the best french fries in the Twin Cities very basic but that's the beauty of them the last real bar in uptown also if you're into pinball they got some cool machines there

Mortimers.....without a doubt....The absolute BEST dive bar in MPLS. No question. Not only do they have killer happy hours.....their pizza is on point. Homemade. Mic dropped. Btw:Kathy is the absolute best

We are just passing through on a road trip. The one and only time we've ever been to this place I've decided I never will again. Somebody called the cops on me and my girlfriend last night about what the cop described as "underaged human sex trafficking". She is 27. I am much older. She is Asian. I'm white. We've been living together for 5 years. She and I were sitting at the bar, and she had already shown her ID to prove her age. She and I go through this "cop calling" thing several times a year and we are sick of it. She is not a child. I am not a pedophile. We are sick of having to deal with this for years. People in the service industry specifically have been instructed to call the cops if they see something that looks like sex trafficking. What happened to us we believe was racist to the fullest extent.

Next time I lapse back into the guilt inspired by my Catholic upbringing I will hit the confessional and say: forgive me Father, for I have drank. I always found the wine more tantalizing than the wafer, even during my very brief days as an altar boy. i love bars, brethren. LOVE them. Personally, a bar takes on greater stature the more authentically low down and improbable the ambiance and the clientele. I need to feel like I'm in a Raymond Carver story writ large. I need to feel like Reaganomics is still wreaking havoc on the souls of masses, and the key to a grand insight into the human condition lies within a big-haired, tired-eyed, world-weary, stank dame's drunken rant about the local news. Like the Good Lord, Mortimer's provideth. And then some. The drinks go for the right price. The regulars can take or leave you. The variety of pinball machines provide a sense of diversity even though, in the end, it's all the same game. This is a bar with a good, honest soul. Set up shop with a friend from 5-8 and lose yourself in debate about film, literature, politics, and which characters from Growing Pains, Who's The Boss, and The Facts of Life you've always secretly wanted to sleep with. Mona. Yeah, I said it. The original GILF.

The family and I decided to stop into Mortimer's after our baby cousin Mortechai's botched bris. Since it was the Super Bowl weekend, we were excited to go out to the bars! We called mortimer's and were greeted with a "YES we are open till 4". We all made the trek over in the cold after a solemn circumcision only to find out that they had lied to us. Also sometimes the popcorn is burnt. Disappointed in Mortimer.

I work across the street, so I thought I'd add some reality here: This place smells like pee, with a sharp fecal undertone. There might be some body odor in the mix. I don't know. Beer sucks. People are hairy and/or grouchy. The back room with the air hockey table is usually closed. They should allow patrons to smoke, because at least this would (1) cloak the scent of decay, and (2) give people something fun to do as they slowly die into their beards.

Oh God, Mort's, please tell the dude who is manning the iPod to not play Journey's "Don't' Stop Believin'" every hour. I think I'll end up killing myself. Nestled on Franklin and Lyndale, Mort's is a classic dive bar, but differentiates itself from others since it's not shoulder-to-shoulder crowded. The space is huge and holds plenty of games like buck hunter, pool, foosball, and darts. Drinks are cheap (it seems like there's always 2-4-1s going on), and it's cash only. The staff do their jobs well, considering the fact that they put up with a lot of crazies. Haha. If you want to get cig, I suggest stumbling out onto the "patio" and bumming one off on the dude that's always trying to holler at the one girl while having an in-depth convo about life. (Not that I smoke or anything.) You know what I'm talking about, peeps. #questionablelifedecisions #tipsytyping ***Cue Def Leppard, "Pour Some Sugar on Me."*** (I hate this song, too.)

***This is kind of a divey bar, but their prices seem reasonable (cash only though); despite the low rent ambiance, this bar features a wide variety of new and contemporary arcade video games, pinball machines (even a Walking Dead sponsored one), dart boards, and several foosball tables; they even have foosball tournaments on Wesnesday though we are talking about seriously good players here*** This bar has its own free parking lot.

I like the fact it's close to home and it has fun games to play but the bartender with black hair and glasses is by far the least professional and rudest I've encountered. I've been in the industry for 8+years. I'm a manager at a bar, the last thing I want to do when I'm trying to unwind is deal with more shit. Not friendly, not nice, makes fun of other customers in front of other customers. I get its a dive but but are you kidding?

What is there to be said about Mort's? It's dank and dive-a-licious, with tons of seating and games like fooseball and Buck Hunter. It's a great place to grab a beer when you don't want the fuss of a crowded bar (it's huge, so it's never that overwhelming, even when it's busy). The beer is cold and pretty typically priced. I think pitchers are the way to go at Mort's, 'cause it's slightly cheaper then. The downside to Mort's is that people tend to get pretty drunk here, so I've definitely had to fend myself from the slurry, shifty types. I like to make my way into the tiny back bar with the stained glass. The atmosphere back there is a 180 from the rest of the place, which resembles a VFW hall. I've heard that part was the speakeasy section of Mortimer's during prohibition. If that's true, that's awesome.

I'm actually surprised the rating is so high for Mort's. My 2 cents: It's dirty, it's dark, and people have been killed getting in fights here. In the words of yelp's one star, "Eek! Methinks not."

I wish there was for 0 stars. Went to this place on a last minute "don't have sh*t going on, on a Thursday night. Went in and the place was dead. Sad, depressed bums sitting at the bar. My cousins and I sat by their dart boards and ordered pitcher after pitcher, shots after shots. Gave them plenty of good old business. We love to have a good time and crack jokes. As we did, we must have gotten a little too loud for the lames at the bar or the bitchy fat bartender, we were asked to calm it down or leave. Mind you, we've been sitting at our table, given them business for about 2 hours by now. We've caused no trouble and no disturbance. Their music was louder than us. One of the other hefty female staff members over heard us complaining, so she gets the bitchy bartender to come over to us once again and tell us we've been warned once and we either shut up or leave. We did nothing wrong to be harassed in such a manner. We were respectful, gave them plenty of business and were just trying to enjoy ourselves. This place is trash. Their staff is trash. Their customer service is trash. Mortimer's can choke on one. Never going there again!

Cheap beer, foosball, darts, video games, pitchers of Grain Belt, jukebox with Ozzy... Yeah, the regulars clearly have fetal alcohol syndrome. Yeah, the place smells like urinal cakes. But they've got Ozzy, man. Ozzy.

This place is huge! I like Mortimers. I like the way back bar area better though. Cheap beer prices. Me likey. It doesn't really have a style to it. It just is. Wood floors, a couple dart boards. It works because it just is.

Divey dive dive dive bar. I have a love/hate relationship with Mort's. Mostly love, though the cheap drinks do leave a lot of the patrons to be avoided, especially once Mort's begins the time of the night where they offer a different shot for $1 every 15 minutes. It is dangerous and fun. Mostly dangerous. Scratch that, mostly fun. Mort's holds many fond memories for me; nights of dart throwing, Foosball winning (I'm pretty good, but only after a few of those cheap shots), Big Buck Hunting, pool shooting, drink having, and free popcorn eating. Despite how many grungy drunks I have to avoid at Mort's, it will maintain a very special place in my heart.

If this place wanted to be more then one star it would be. I don't mind it, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone who's looking to go out of their way to visit a joint. Again, if you're already lubed up and don't mind double checking your wallet have at it. It's huge, has multiple bars and hosts a slew of different pinball and arcade games. Haven't ever ate there, wouldn't ever eat there. Depending on who you get the bar staff *can* be more then surly- I've visited multiple times where my bartender looked at me as if she was dying and wanted to leave. Almost feeling sorry for asking for a drink isn't really a normal thing for me. There's a mix of different people typically- Most are trying to score lol. But yeah- Chances are you've already been to Mortimer's before and not even known it. Nice pit stop, but if you stay long enough expect some trouble- Weather or not you're into that kind of thing is up to you.

Once upon a time I used to find myself here on an almost weekly basis. We'd usually hit it up after a Wild game. My experience is mostly with the Mexican-themed side of the place (Gringo's), which is only open after 10:00 PM. Before the smoking ban you used to come out smelling like a $2 hooker after ten minutes of soaking in the fumes. The next day always involved a lot of laundry-doing. Good times. It was here that I learned that I am infinitely better at air hockey when I'm completely obliterated on whiskey shots. They serve the drinks strong here. Sure, that single of gin & tonic looks innocent enough, but I swear they put almost two and a half shots in there. Even their Kamikaze shots are dangerous.

From the front room I didn't even realize there was a back bar that feels like a fake Mexican restaurant and another back/side bar that feels semi-Irish? Its kind of weird to have all three themes in one place but I have a feeling they don't really care about that kind of stuff and neither do I. 2 for 1s on already cheap drinks make this place very affordable. Cash only. My only tip is to check the prices on the dart boards, we played a few team rounds on the left one then moved to the middle to play solo and the pricing was more. Only like $0.50 a game but if they are all open you might as well take the less expensive one. Lastly, friends got the wing special and said they were great. Give them a shot.

There are three bars in this place, and its such a labyrinthine layout I half expect a minotaur to interrupt me on my way to a beer. For awhile I stayed in the largest bar and I hated Mortimer's. The main area is sausage upon sausage, and most of the time I remember some crappy nu-metal playing on the juke. There is free popcorn, however, and if you can't find it, just follow the trail of three day stale kernals to the popper. The middle bar is elevated just by the popper, its very small, but tends to skew a little more on the quiet side. Think Cheers in a large walk-in closet. The back bar at Mortimer's (which I'm positive has a name that escapes me now) is my favorite. I believe there are two dart boards, as many pinball machines, a big buck hunter, and air hockey if you feel like getting your game on. Much more adequate seating @ bar, and a handful of tables around as well. Access here also to the smoking patio (one of two), drinks allowed til 1 I believe. Tip early and often, as service can be spotty, and bring cash ATM rapes on fees. Four star applies to back bar only.

Dive bars are supposed to be charming, in a dive bar sort of way. One is supposed to look past the shady regulars, ignore the smell, find the darkness pleasant, and enjoy the cheap beer, the bartender you know by name and always finding an open table. Mortimers has numerous parts of this agreement wrong. I lived a few blocks away for years, and tolerated the broken, sparse tables and chairs, the omnipresent super drunk regular annoying my friends and I... and so on. The one star review comes from the rudest employees I've ever seen. You'll often get ignored for ordering if a regular needs something, and ordering more then two beers gets an eye role and the slowest service ever. The final straw was my date and I trying to get a drink before dinner at Rudolphs, when the bartender was chatting to a regular at the bar. We waited, and listened to their banal conversation... and waited... and finally, pondering the off chance he didn't see us (ok, there was no chance he didn't see us), I said "hey" or "hello" or something like that. He blew up, "Don't you yell at me, I'll come help you when I help you, don't be a rude asshole." Thats what you get at Mortimers.

The main reason I love this bar is the people. Uptown is annoying because you can either go to the Calhoun bars and be surrounded by "hot" girls in their bandage dresses and their dbag boyfriends who cabbed all the way from Bloomington....or go to Lyndale and feel ashamed for not knowing Foucault's theories of sexuality and liking Kanye West. Mortimer's is not even a mesh between the uptown stereotypes, it has everyone. I feel like there is always random dorky older dudes who always are fun to talk to. Everyone is just trying to have fun and even though a lot of people do get pretty drunk here, no one is ever annoying. It's a nice place to go where I don't feel like I'm being judged, and I don't feel like judging others either. I like it because it is perfect for the low attention spanned individual, like myself.They have pinball, buckhunter, foosball, and darts. It's never too dark or too loud either. They do have a jukebox, which I love especially because the random crowd always mixes up the music selection. You can go from Ice Cube to Bill Withers to Hall and Oats to Daft Punk. Also, it's cheap! The beers are small, I think 10 oz? But they are only like 3 dollars so get over it. The shots are also huge so be careful, unless you want to fall asleep in the bushes and get mugged. It definitely isn't the safest area in uptown, especially with all the recent crime, but if you are not a drunk idiot and are good at hailing cabs it probably shouldn't be an issue.

This place is a dump! The service is AWFUL don't even bother, my friend and I waited for about 20 min to be served before we just left. Before leaving my friend asked the bartender what her name was and if he could talk to the mangaer she blew up and told him he was 86. And therefore not allowed to come back? Wtf? Over asking to talk to the manager about this awful service. Well then. Off to the Red Dragon with us where we were treated nicely, the drinks were many and had a fun time :) I'll not be stopping back into that dump ever again.

I really like foosball. I really like the fact that other patrons of Mortimer's like foosball too. Therefore, I really like Mortimer's. There are tournaments there on Wednesday nights. It's not the cleanest, classiest, or happening place, but there are cheap drinks and good times there.