Judge H.
Yelp
Lemme start by saying that I don't do this. I don't write Yelp reviews. I feel like 99.99% of the time written reviews aren't necessary and nobody reads
'em. But this place changed my mind.
Anyway. So, Ms Maes? Yeah, maybe try somewhere else. Look, I get it. I like a "good" dive bar as much as the next guy. But no matter the price of the drinks, this place is a shithole by any standard.
So lemme set the scene for you. Myself and two friends are in town for St. Patty's Day weekend. We find "the cheapest bar in New Orleans." Sweet.
Or not. Lemme walk you through my visit.
Let's start with the bathrooms. Dear GOD, the bathrooms. Just opening the door is enough to cripple the strongest of men. If by some miracle you're able to break through this forcefield of stank and even enter this piss dungeon, it instantly becomes a test of your lung strength. Can you hold your breath long enough to do your business and survive? Honestly, I doubt it. You're gonna vomit, let's be real. I'm really not exaggerating here. It's that bad. If you MUST use the bathroom, for the love of God, don't touch anything.
Next, and my favorite part, the lovely staff at Ms Maes!
Now I said before that me and my buddies were in town for St Patty's Day. This bar exists for the sole purpose of getting everyone drunk in whatever the most effective way possible. Naturally, I order a round of Car Bombs. Not so naturally, the bartender looks at me like I have three heads and says, "uhhh, okay, give me a second." I, politely, said to take her time, and that I wasn't in a rush.
She returns after a few minutes and says:
"okay you still want those car bombs? I gave ya a second to think about that decision."
I replied, "Yeah, I think I do."
Then she turns to the rest of the bar (by that I mean, the whole 5 dudes who were there, and friends of hers, if you can believe that) and says, "okay well everyone is going to have to WAIT on the drinks because THIS GUY wants FUCKING CAR BOMBS!"
She then proceeds to (finally) start making this St Patty's Day classic that every self-respecting bartender in New Orleans should know and be prepared to make any time Guinness is on tap, but I digress.
She starts making the drinks, but you know what she doesn't do? Stop complaining. This is a dive bar, not Dick's Last Resort where you can practice your washed up comedy routine. Gimme my frickin drink.
While pouring the Guinness she says, and I QUOTE:
"Look, clearly you don't know, but ordering car bombs when it's this busy at a dive bar is just a real pain in the ass. And I know y'all are gonna make a huge ass mess in my bar. I mean, I am working for tips, so like, I don't wanna be a total cunt, so I'm not gonna charge what the other bartenders would charge. I'll charge you $6 instead of $10. Believe me, I'm the nice bartender here, the other ones are grumpy old men."
She gives me the drinks and moves to the next person and says, "what do you want? And DON'T ASK for a car bomb."
Whew. Well, okay fair enough... Except that...
1. It wasn't busy. This isn't a difficult drink by any standard. AND, you're using plastic cups, you don't even have to clean any extra glassware. Or anything at all, ever. Which leads me to...
2. A mess? In this bar? Am I in the twilight zone? Have you seen this place? Those bathrooms are basically a portal to hell. I couldn't even wager a guess the last time those were cleaned. At this point, you'd probably need Holy Water directly from the Vatican to even get started in there. That part MUST have been a joke.
3. Yeah, you are working for tips, so maybe you should stop bitching and just make the drink. Because whatever tip you were expecting, is dwindling by the minute.
4. Grumpy old men, you say? The nice bartender? Hm.
Anyway. All that to say that this was absolutely the worst interaction I've had with ANY bartender. Anywhere. Ever. It even made other customers uncomfortable. I won't be supporting Ms Maes at any time in the future and I encourage everyone to do the same. Spend a couple extra bucks literally ANYWHERE else.
Oh. By the way. I think I forgot to mention the bathrooms. They are rancid.
Stay away my dudes.