Haaay East Bay l.
Yelp
I'm all bitter towards my parents because they obviously saw me literally play my tape of the 1988 Winter Olympics Ladies' Long Program over and over again every day, and they didn't think to pursue the possibility of skating lessons for me. To this day, I'm all bitter that Midori Ito didn't place higher because of school figures, and I'm still making fun of Kira Ivanova and Elizabeth Manley.
Lo and behold, I come back from college all adult-ass, and I find out that there's an ice skating rink right next to BART, and it's hella cheap for group lessons. To think, I could have been a regional bronze medalist by now!
I signed up for lessons a year ago, am with quite a few other adults, got some skates that are slightly too big cheap off EBay, and although I have NO friends from the rink, I can do four out of the six single jumps now! I hella need a benefactor to score me some decent blades and boots though . . .
Point being, Oakland Ice Center is freakin' great. I'd go to Dublin Iceland maybe once every two years, and the most anyone would do is shove you out of the way with their wet, pantyhosed asses and snarl, "EXCUSE ME, I'M DOING A SITSPIN."
Here, we have little 8-year-olds doing double salchows and attempting Bielmann spins, some lady who looks like she wears layers of diapers to pad any falls doing complicated brackets and rockers, and of course that one older teenager girl who roles her eyes at everyone as she takes a full rink to set up her double flip.
Typical hockey guys who get in the damn way during public skate, a pro shop full of hockey equipment and little lycra dresses but nothing in between, and a handful of odd-ass muthas. The guy in the leopard skin vest with a ratty ponytail will kick you in the head as he tries to do an extended spiral across the ice, combined with weak powerpulls so that he waves back and forth without looking. He almost sliced open the skull of li'l Ben, the kid who bites his mittens when he gets nervous and tried to do Bielmanns when he first started coming to the rink.
There's a second rink -- for hockey -- in the back. Ooh, and there's this crazy vending machine that dispenses full meals of soggy crinkle fries and jr. high school pizza! And one of those rotating sandwich machines. There's this vast underground network of lockerrooms, and sometimes the staff is totally loopy, and sometimes they sing over the microphone.
I'm going to sneak a mix CD into their rotation -- I'm tired of all this Gwen Stefani and Kelly Clarkson. It's time for us to skate to Deerhoof and Erase Errata and Yma Sumac. Screamin' Jay Hawkins.
Ooh, sometimes there are unannounced local competitions, so you get to see everyone prance around in sequins to tasteless '80s pop songs and have their photos taken and posted next to a gradient curtain.
Everyone needs to support this place, as Berkeley just shut down, and the Yerba Buena Center has plenty of SF people! Just don't be all afraid to even try to glide forward (as some are), and go to the bathroom before you get there.