Eliza C.
Yelp
This place deserves 5 stars in my book, but only if you're attempting to impress a new partner with your cooking skills before getting intimate.
If that's the situation, allow me to offer some advice:
To seal the deal, I highly recommend ordering the chicken piccata and caprese salad for delivery or takeout. Aim for it to arrive approximately 30 minutes before your date does. Once it arrives, you'll realize that the food is about as exciting as reading a phonebook. But don't worry, that's the point.
First, heat up a splash of olive oil and sauté some garlic. If you're not much of a chef, (obviously), pre-diced garlic from the grocery store will do. Add pre-juiced lemon and a bit of dry white wine (or any white wine you have on hand, really) and let it simmer. While you're at it, pour yourself a glass of wine, just in case your date is super laaaaame like this food lol
Add a few small chunks of cream cheese to the pan and let it melt, followed by a bit of heavy whipping cream. Season with salt, pepper, onion powder, and a dash of cayenne if you're about it. Once it starts to look like a sauce, add capers and toss in the noodles from Osteria 832. Voila, the pasta is done! Transfer it back to the bowl and start on the chicken.
Admittedly, the chicken looks pretty good. So that's a start. But tastes like nothing so in a separate pan, heat some olive oil, lemon juice, and white wine. Once it starts to bubble, add the chicken and lemon slices. Season with salt, pepper, onion powder, and garlic, then flip everything once it starts to sizzle.
Just like that, you've made a bland dish somewhat edible.
Finally, plate the pasta, add the chicken on top, and place the lemons (aesthetically) on top of that. For an added touch of sophistication, chop some parsley and squeeze a little extra (real) lemon juice over the chicken.
The tomato mozz is fine so as long as you re-plate it, you'll be good.
Your undeniably weird date will walk into a house that smells like you've been cooking all evening and you'll both be able to enjoy a meal that's at least tolerable.