Fox E.
Yelp
My #1 place in NYC! Let's rap!
Don't stay home getting fat on FRITOS
Hot pockets & overstuffed BURRITOS
Wanna stuff yourself? Here's what WE CHOSE
Cholados y Burgesas at PRONTITOS!
Fox E says it's great, and we all know HE KNOWS
The best hidden gems, everywhere that HE GOES
Summer brings humidity and MOSQUITOS
But also an excuse to go to PRONTITOS!
Trump's Twitter? Kinda obvious why he'd TWEET THOSE
Distract us from evil with melodrama FREAK SHOWS
So the rich get richer while the puppet-state VETOS
Time for you and I to drown our sorrows at PRONTITOS!
Other Cholados are less Michael, more TITOS
More Detroit-back-alley, less VIA VENETOS
The rivals ability to COMPETE BLOWS
Compared to the perfection served here at PRONTITOS!
Liverpool were so good, but Watford? Couldn't BEAT THOSE
And I'm so good in bed, anyone hot and DISCRETE KNOWS
And Barbie's global-famous for her incomparable FEET/TOES
And if you're in New York, head directly to PRONTITOS!
WHAT!
The Cholado. The greatest drink/dessert on earth. You'd agree, if you'd tried one - specifically, this one.
A "Cholado" is fresh tropical fruits, condensed milk, freshly-shaved ice, passion fruit syrup, and other heavenly wonders. I get mine with no condensed milk and extra passion fruit, I also skip the Guanabana in the drink. I love it more that way but if you're a fan of condensed milk then get it the regular way, or try it both ways, like Barbie does.
This is still the best place in all of NYC, after all these years.
Prontito used to be located on an even more-hidden back street and named "Jugos Prontito Y Algo Mas", but those are the distant days of the past. They have a shiny new place with 10 times the space, they're even busier because of it (which seemed unthinkable because the tiny little sweatbox of the old days was busier than you could possibly imagine), and they're still churning (sometimes literally) out the greatest Colombian Fruit Delights and Hot Dogs and Burgers anywhere.
I'm proud to call the owner and the girls here my friends. Order a Cholado. Watch the dude shave the ice, it's brilliant! "Shaving the ice" is not a euphemism for anything.
When I first had a Cholado, it was like, Wham! So, in honour of that, here's some Wham!
You put your condensed milk in my mouth (ooh ooh)
It tastes so good and creamy that I have to cry out
You put the soursop into my drink (yeah yeah)
It's the only fruit in there I don't like, I think
But something's buggin' me, somethin' ain't right,
My Yelp friend told me what Barbie did last night,
She left me Yelping in my bed,
I was posting but I should have been with her instead!
Wake Me Up Before Jugo, go
Don't leave me hanging on eating a Yoyo
Wake me up before Jugo, go
And no, the Colombians are not all high
Wake me up before Jugo, go
Cuz I'm planning on my own Cholado
And a Raspado from Jugos Prontito
Take me drinking tonight..
I want a sugar hiiiiiiiiiigh, yeah, yeah
Now I'm feeling shy. Next time I'll have to come here "Jugos Incognito."
What to get: Cholado
What else: Jugos, Burger, Hot Dog, Arepas, More.
Warning: Long waits, call ahead, even for drinks.
They're opening a shop in Alaska soon, it's called Juneau Prontito. It's "sandwiched" between two mixed martial arts schools (Judo Prontito and Sumo Prontito).
The Cholado here is my fave food item on earth. They deserve "Kudos Prontito." I've tried many others. None have come close to this. It's from another, distant, planet. Hence the name "Pluto's Prontito."
Always call ahead. "Prontito" is an in-joke. It means fast, but orders are seldom quick at Prontito (except the spontaneous orgasmic cumbustion when you taste a Cholado). But it's part of the charm.
I've taken friends & lovers here, all agree: it rocks. Famous Colombians Sofia Vergara, James Rodriguez, Shakira and Carlos Valderrama come daily. $6 is so worth it. Don't be "Frugal Prontito," you'll miss out on perfection. And no "Medellin" with the recipe. Want our first date to be here? We can "Cholado & Chill." Cali me maybe?
Short version of review:
"Go to Queens. Get Cholado. Taste his delicious creamy nectar in ur mouth. Explode in pants. Pix or didn't happen. Also send nudes to whoever sent u here. Then home. Then sleep. Then wake up. Then repeat."
As a side note, I found my lovely little Sammi Puff aka The Puffle aka my tiny little Grey Tortie kitten full of Tortitude when taking a new back way to this place, as weirdly suggested by google maps. She ended up lighting up our lives and the lives of our 5 male cats, who think she's the best think since sliced Cholados. So thank you, Prontito.
Let's finish with more rap.
Want the best Cholado? This is the ONE-TITO
Get here in a hurry before they're GONE-TITO
Better to order ten than NONE-TITO
Because the best dessert in Queens is PRONTITO
Colombian street food is the BOMB-TITO
Bigger than Avengers, bigger than TRON-TITO
Bigger than Curry, Jordan, LeBron-TITO
If you want fruity drinks, get yourself to PRONTITO
WHAT!